Raw Food Diet, Day 363- Repeating a Grade

So, on Monday night my mom got in my face and was all like, "Stanislaw, you are one Naughty Boy. We need to fix this." And all I could think was, "Haven't I already been fixed? What else is this crazy woman planning to remove?!" I was busy snoozeling in her bed which she always says is a "dog-free zone" - more crazy talk from the food mommy - when I overheard her yack yack yacking on the phone to my grandparents. Turns out, mom didn't much appreciate it when I pulled away from her again during Monday's walk. I gave myself another tour of the Michigan Avenue gardens and tempted Fate with some traffic, before stopping to say a big Hello to this guy's 2 tiny dogs. That dude saw mom screaming with Big Pupi in tow and he jumped me. Whatever dude! I don't even KNOW you! You are NOT the boss of me!

Fortunately this freewheeling tour of my territory was a short one thanks to that very nice guy. (And NO THANKS to all those nasty people who pretended NOT TO NOTICE what was going on when Stan brushed right past your ankles and I was begging you to catch him and screaming that he's friendly!!!) Woah. Chill out mom. I told you she was nutz. Anyway, that dude was so nice he even sat with mom while she dealt with one heck of an asthma attack after sprinting through knee-high snow in the icy air. I don't know what her deal is sometimes.

Anyway, we trudged our way home with mom saying evil words under her wheezing breath and calling me Naughty Boy and stuff. I did NOT get my green bean baby food snack she promised. In fact, she ignored me for the rest of the day and click clicked on her computer and yack yacked to her parents. I was all like WHATEVER! and proceeding to pop and skin Big Pupi's tennis ball.It wasn't until I heard mom call my doctor and ask them for recommendations for places to get me fixed that my fur stood on end and I knew she was serious about this. I took quick stock of body parts and realized that my ears are unusually long and perhaps they're next to go - I've already sacrificed half my tail and my danglies. What more could this nut-job human want from a handsome beast like me?

Big Pupi knocked me upside the head and said, "Duh, dude! You're in for an attitude adjustment! Mom likes us to be Good Boy and you're a royal pain in the bahonkus! You totally cramp my Good Boy style." I was all like WOAH! What? AWESOME! Except that I found out that I'm repeating Basic Obedience. I already passed that one, man! Don't I get to study about being an astronaut or something now? I don't want to revisit that Sit Heel Stay Come stuff again! Totally lame-o. After 6 weeks of that torture scheme, mom will put me into the summer "Front Class" at another school, which is all about recall and major distractions. Just you wait, mom! I've got your major distraction right here.

When does this lunatic give up and let me revel in my beastliness? She keeps saying that Big Pupi was the WORST in his first class (and second) and he'd fight other dogs and go bonkers all over the place... and now look at him. Yeah! I SEE him! He's a total dork! Big Pupi, I see you wouldn't wanna be you!

I'll leave Big Pupi to his halo polishing while I catch a sweet snoozel on the human crate, er, Palace Du Stanislaw. I know where it's at folks, and it ain't gonna be at my Good Boy school a week from Saturday. Oh heck no. Food mommy better be packing up some sweet treats if she wants to see Stanislaw get his Good Boy on. Some seriously sweet treats. Like a whole goat or something.
Peace out my beastly friends,
Stan the Naughty Man