Monday, December 21, 2009

Raw Food Diet, Day 560- It's That Time of Year

To all our feaster friends: Your beastly buds,
Stanislaw and Big Pupi

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Raw Food Diet, Day 654- I Was Right

I was totally on it. Santa did come early. He must have seen my beacon of Good Boy light shining brightly through the chilly Chicago sky and decided to make a special trip just for me. Too bad he didn't leave any venison along with my presents, but I suppose I'm not too down about that.

We only got one present so far - we have to wait for the rest. But this present was a SUPER CRAZY AWESOME and when my folks brought it out to us I was so totally jaw droppingly pumped!!!Big Pupi couldn't believe his googlie eyeballs either.
It was our very own, Joe Stains-inspired nuzzle nest. With my smooth moves and delicate, manly-like prancing I managed to beat my stinkbutt bro and was the first to model the nest for mom. I made sure to have spikeysaurus with me for my photo shoot.
Big Pupi watched from our bolstered blankie sofa protector thingy and gave me the stink eye. He was so jealous!
I tried my best to show him, in no uncertain terms of body language, that this was the most comfortable nest of nuzzliness that my bahonkus had ever rested upon. (Notice the delicious yogurt remnants around my feasting hole. I'm saving that for later.)
I made sure to nuzzle my schnozzle deep into the fuzzled bed of heavenly squishes.
And when my folks weren't looking, I sent my brother mocking messages.
And that stinkbutt sent them right back to me.
In an attempt to make me jealous, he created a stuffy and blankie nest of his own. It totally doesn't even compare!
I quickly discovered that a bed made of 1/2 nuzzle nest and 1/2 human is probably the best. The front part gets scritches from your person while the back portion remains in bum-cushing luxury. It's handy to be as long and masculine as I am - you can stretch to both places.
Big Pupi did not approve of this attention, and began to flirt with mommy from the (un)comfort of his not-so nuzzle nest.
To prevent a war from breaking out, my humans gave us a set of chewies. We are allowed to have Wholesome Hide chewies and only while my people are home. I have beastly jaws of steel, and these are the only rawhide bones my humans can find that are super thick, use only one rolled sheet of rawhide, and are completely made in the USA. (You can read this Whole Dog Journal article to find out what to look for in a rawhide chew, and why a USA-made chewy is so important if you live in the USA.) There are no compressed pieces, and they actually take me a super long time to work through. My brother, on the other hand, can hardly make a dent!
I made sure to stare my chewy down while providing a munching it will never forget.
When Big Pupi doesn't want to chew any more, he holds the bone in his feasting hole and carries it around - all so I can't get a hold of it.
But I didn't want his chewy anyway. It's half the size of mine! Plus, I'd have to leave this bum-pleasing nuzzle nest to harass him. So he got the day off. I was one happy, content boy.
My parents don't realize it yet, but Santa also gave me another present... both of my folks are home today! Dad has a big exam tonight and he stayed home to study. I've learned that "study" means that I lie across his chest and nibble on his book corners. Mom got to stay home because she used her hand as a resting place for an Xacto knife at work yesterday. So as long as I make sure to ask for scritches on her right side, I'm good to go.

Thanks Santa!
(But where is that venison I asked for?)


Sunday, December 13, 2009

Raw Food Diet, Day 652- We're still stinky!

Oh, feasting! We've been missing for so long! But do not fear, I'm as handsome and as beastly as you remember (or maybe even more so):Tons and millions of things have happened since we posted last. I'd love to take you through every little bit and the most important things - like my daily feasts and whatnot - but mom says I have to preserve her typing fingers and stick to the big stuff. Let's get this ball rolling...

My stinkbutt brother had another one of his surgeries and another 10 sebaceous adenomas were removed. My folks had learned their lesson from last time, and Big Pupi was all bandaged up and had socks on his hinders to prevent him from scratching. Three days went by and he was doing super well and healing fast. Before they had to leave for work on Monday, my folks wrapped him up with lots of cotton gauze and a sweatshirt to make sure he would be safe when they got home. Well... for reasons that I will not say, I WEEBLED ON MY BROTHER while my folks were gone!! I weed all down his neck, and it soaked into his sweatshirt and bandages and sat on his wounds for hours! When my mom came home my bro was shaking from pain and she disinfected him in the bathtub and dried up his surgery sites. Everything was looking good that night, so she put clean bandages on and checked on him in the morning.

Well... all was recovering really well, except for one incision which had decided to ooze green stinky sticky stuff. Mom took him straight in to the Place of Tile and Steel and he was put on 2 weeks of antigermicide green feasting pills. He's totally healed up and fine now, but I still won't tell anyone why I lifted my leg on my bro! BP is such a tattle tale I'm surprised he hasn't ratted me out either. Mmm... rats.

In happier, feasting-related news, Mom came home with this yesterday:
SWEEEET!! My butthead bro has to be retested for his 2010 therapy certification and string cheese is the most delicious and effective training tool ever in the whole wide world. What does this mean for me, you ask? I get to feast on some too! I saw dad unwrap a cheesy log of deliciousness and immediately went into CuteBeastStarvingInNeedOfCheese begging position.
It makes my eyes go all googly and drooly beads collect at my feasting hole. My bum immediately assumes Good Boy positioning and I whine softly with the extreme need for a cheese-ing.
Big Pupi's bum also responds to the stringy cheesiness and he gets anti-gravity lip jowlies.
We're so totally pumped for our training schedule to kick up a notch. My tummy totally digs it.

In torture-related news, mom made my brother a new fur-covering device. Unlike his last one, this recent edition has room for a harness underneath and a harness-leash hole, which is much more conducive for embarrassing, sweater-wearing walkies. Notice how the high collar strategically holds in his massive amounts of neck jowly flesh:
It's like an instant neck lift! Mom wanted him to look totally preppy - like he'd be found sipping sparking water in a posh ski lodge. My brother's ever-increasing level of dork-dom never ceases to amaze me!
Sheesh! Totally glad that isn't me! I'm way too dude-like to pull that one off.

In my own most relevant and important news, my medicine is still working pretty well and now I can do my Good Boy Weebles and Poobles outside even when there are puddles and reflections all over the place. It's pretty cool, because I feast on little liver treats each time I empty the tanks and ignore my triggers. In fact, I think I've been such Good Boy lately that Santa came early and left a box full of presents just for me! I know this because I knocked the box off a shelf and dove head first into the fabulous stuffy explosion. Mom said I wasn't allowed to have it just yet, but I'm confident that it will all be heading my soon. I am just about the best boy out there, and since Santa doesn't keep track of my indoor poobles (2 - I got excited), I have a perfectly clean track record. Because of this Good Boyness, I made a long list of Christmas goodies. I'm totally pumped!

Time to go nibble on dad's slippers for a while, and perhaps jump on his belly while he's snoozeling. Santa also overlooks those Naughty Boyish things, I just know it.

Your holiday angel,