Raw Food Diet, Day 374- Sir Stanislaw Esq, PhD

Holy feasting fellow bloggerinis! It was almost 60 degrees yesterday in The Land of 1,000 Winters. I was SO PUMPED I didn't have to go outside dressed like a total nerd in my sweatshirt, jacket and boots. It felt SO GOOD to feel the wind blow through my beastly fur and past my manly parts. I felt like such a DOG!

Well... kind of. You should know by now that things are never that easy when my food mommy is around. That crazy human is always cooking up something. When we were getting ready to head off to the puke mobile and to my first day of school, she pulled out a harness unlike any other harness I have ever seen. It had buckles and ropes and pads that reached into and around places I didn't even know I had! Mom said that I needed this because regular harnesses don't fit me properly thanks to my super long body, crazy narrow rib cage, skinny middle and shocking flexibility. I'm not called Stanislaw Gumby for nothing! Her biggest fear is that I squiggle out of my harness and run away... and we all know how much I like to run like a free man. My dweebus bro got one too for when we go hiking. I guess all those straps and the handle is good for something. I tuned mom out pretty quickly so I can't tell you why.

I guess Big Pupi got the same size harness as me so we had to have our names written on the insides of them. I was all like WHAT?! This itty bitty nerd bomb wears the same size as ME, The King of All Beasts?! But he's just a peanut of a dog! Please see my illustration below. You may need a magnifying glass or at the very least a strong pair of glasses in order to see my brother:
Whatever. He can have his harness. I had school to attend and he was not invited!

I whined and drooled the whole way in the puke-mobile despite my anti-car vomit meds but managed to make it to my destination without seeing breakfast for the second time. Class took place at a doggy adoption center and most of the folks in my class had just found their new homes in the past week or so. Awesome! There were some seriously cool canines but I wasn't allowed to play. That totally blew my mind. My folks are ALWAYS telling me to make nice introductions and be a social butterfly. And now mom is saying NO? What gives? Ugh... people... isn't consistency important when training a manly beast such as myself?

I spent the first 1/4 of class making eyes at my fellow pups with my bum in the air and my tail wagging like a flag in a hurricane. I was met with many a happy play bow but our people kept making us stop and do Watch Me and Sit Like Good Boy. Man! It was SOOO LAME! Class finally got started we worked on our Watch Me, Lie Down and Sit. It was easy peasy. I totally know all that stuff! Once I got the gist of class I performed really well and was very focused and enthusiastic. Mom said that Mr. Golden Retriever was better than me, but I was most definitely #2 in the class. Woohoo! I am the smartest guy alive!

I was fed treats like crazy and I had such a good time. While this class is mostly going to be a review for me, my folks are hoping that the new situation and distractions will help build my confidence and little by little my anxiety will release its hold on me. I've already made huge strides. Only twice and very very slightly did I go into my OCD behaviors during class! Last time I was in basic obedience I spent much of it fixated, staring and whining. This is a major improvement. There may be hope for me yet.

When I got back from class all these yawns were escaping from my face and all I could do was snoozel on the back of the sofa.
I didn't even care when Big Pupi got to go for the longest walk ever and came home smelling like all sorts of different pups. All I wanted was a mutton meat dinner and my spot on the couch. I guess class isn't so bad! Actually... to tell you the truth I really liked it. Heck, I'll even put up with that ridiculous harness for it. Looks like I might be a Good Boy yet.

Food for thought: If you be Have, you get treats.
Is it worth it?

Stanislaw

Raw Food Diet, Day 68- My Teeth Are Clean!

Eating raw bones has really helped clean my teeth. This is great because now my brother and I won't have to go to the vet to get our teeth cleaned. Even though my mom made it a point to brush our teeth with delicious peanut butter toothpaste before we started eating raw, tartar was still building up on our back teeth. My brother's teeth were turning yellow. Check out how they look now after chewing on bones for the last few months.

As for me, I'm so relieved that I'll never have to go to the vet and get put under anesthesia to get my teeth cleaned. Trust me, you want to avoid getting put under anesthesia at all costs. Eating raw bones is like a win/win situation. Awesome feasting and no anesthesia. The last time the vet put me under anesthesia, I woke up and my manhood was missing. Not sure what happened to it but I do admit feeling a little differently towards girl dogs since it has been gone. I mean I love to play with them for a while, but when it really comes down to it, I'm just not that into them.

a message from a limping brother:
I went on a wonderful "fast hunt" with my mom and my crazy brother last Thursday. Because my brother and I run and pull so hard my humans have a special contraption that they use to make their job a little easier. It's called the FreeLeash. It's an elastic waist band with a metal clip in back (if you buy it, make sure it's got the metal buckle, not the plastic one), a pouch on the side for poop bags, keys and other things, and a carabiner-connected bungee cord leash that hooks onto a collar or harness. This keeps their hands free and makes our pulling much easier to deal with. My mom and I have been running together with this thing for years. I get so excited when I see it!

I'm a very good boy on runs. I take my running very seriously and sprint my little heart out the entire way. Because I run in front of my humans instead of alongside them, I have learned to follow directional commands which makes our days out go very smoothly. Strangers always laugh at us because I look like a miniature sled dog after one too many sips of espresso, but I'll use any opportunity to show off my muscles and manliness. I have plenty of both.

Well, I say that I'm a little angel on runs. And I usually am. Until I see a squirrel. I can't help myself around those TREE LOBSTERS!! I begin to pull as hard as my little body will let me, and I scream and squeal and cause a scene. My adrenaline gets pumping and I think of how tasty one of those little varmints would be, and how great it would feel to actually catch one -- after years of being mocked by those little tree huggers. I MUST have one! I tend to get a little overzealous at times like these, as was the case on our last run. I wound up pulling against my leash and treading in place on some gravel. It only lasted a few seconds before my mom moved us along but it was enough to cut one of my pads. My mom didn't notice until later that night after I had a good chew on my foot and started limping. She snatched me onto the sofa and put some slimy stuff on my toe and wrapped me in these annoying bandages.
All I do is try to get them off. This toe needs a good nibble! And to add insult to injury, she won't take me out for another fast hunt until it's healed. I'm stuck inside knowing that those squirrels got their way, and their plan to keep me hostage in my own home worked! I will eat you some day squirrels. I WILL!!