Sunday, February 8, 2009

Raw Food Diet, Day 374- Sir Stanislaw Esq, PhD

Holy feasting fellow bloggerinis! It was almost 60 degrees yesterday in The Land of 1,000 Winters. I was SO PUMPED I didn't have to go outside dressed like a total nerd in my sweatshirt, jacket and boots. It felt SO GOOD to feel the wind blow through my beastly fur and past my manly parts. I felt like such a DOG!

Well... kind of. You should know by now that things are never that easy when my food mommy is around. That crazy human is always cooking up something. When we were getting ready to head off to the puke mobile and to my first day of school, she pulled out a harness unlike any other harness I have ever seen. It had buckles and ropes and pads that reached into and around places I didn't even know I had! Mom said that I needed this because regular harnesses don't fit me properly thanks to my super long body, crazy narrow rib cage, skinny middle and shocking flexibility. I'm not called Stanislaw Gumby for nothing! Her biggest fear is that I squiggle out of my harness and run away... and we all know how much I like to run like a free man. My dweebus bro got one too for when we go hiking. I guess all those straps and the handle is good for something. I tuned mom out pretty quickly so I can't tell you why.

I guess Big Pupi got the same size harness as me so we had to have our names written on the insides of them. I was all like WHAT?! This itty bitty nerd bomb wears the same size as ME, The King of All Beasts?! But he's just a peanut of a dog! Please see my illustration below. You may need a magnifying glass or at the very least a strong pair of glasses in order to see my brother:
Whatever. He can have his harness. I had school to attend and he was not invited!

I whined and drooled the whole way in the puke-mobile despite my anti-car vomit meds but managed to make it to my destination without seeing breakfast for the second time. Class took place at a doggy adoption center and most of the folks in my class had just found their new homes in the past week or so. Awesome! There were some seriously cool canines but I wasn't allowed to play. That totally blew my mind. My folks are ALWAYS telling me to make nice introductions and be a social butterfly. And now mom is saying NO? What gives? Ugh... people... isn't consistency important when training a manly beast such as myself?

I spent the first 1/4 of class making eyes at my fellow pups with my bum in the air and my tail wagging like a flag in a hurricane. I was met with many a happy play bow but our people kept making us stop and do Watch Me and Sit Like Good Boy. Man! It was SOOO LAME! Class finally got started we worked on our Watch Me, Lie Down and Sit. It was easy peasy. I totally know all that stuff! Once I got the gist of class I performed really well and was very focused and enthusiastic. Mom said that Mr. Golden Retriever was better than me, but I was most definitely #2 in the class. Woohoo! I am the smartest guy alive!

I was fed treats like crazy and I had such a good time. While this class is mostly going to be a review for me, my folks are hoping that the new situation and distractions will help build my confidence and little by little my anxiety will release its hold on me. I've already made huge strides. Only twice and very very slightly did I go into my OCD behaviors during class! Last time I was in basic obedience I spent much of it fixated, staring and whining. This is a major improvement. There may be hope for me yet.

When I got back from class all these yawns were escaping from my face and all I could do was snoozel on the back of the sofa.
I didn't even care when Big Pupi got to go for the longest walk ever and came home smelling like all sorts of different pups. All I wanted was a mutton meat dinner and my spot on the couch. I guess class isn't so bad! Actually... to tell you the truth I really liked it. Heck, I'll even put up with that ridiculous harness for it. Looks like I might be a Good Boy yet.

Food for thought: If you be Have, you get treats.
Is it worth it?



Biggie-Z said...

I dunno, Stan, I think food is pretty much worth anything, you know? I had to remind my Momma and Pops that I really like obedience (they call it "work") and that it makes my brain all happy and stuff. So they've been making me work for lots of treats and it's been really fun. So, yeah, I think Bee Hiving is generally a good thing to do.

P.S. I think your new harness looks pretty snazzy.

Mason Dixie said...

Good job in class! woot woot.
I could never pass a class like that, I get too distracted, by just a bout anything. =)

Coco said...

Good job at class Stan. I ONLY do tricks if there is a treat involved. otherwise, i jus tlook at my parents like they are speaking a different language. Treats is the only language i speak.

Give it a try and let me know how it owrks fo ryou.

Tail Wiggels & Puppy Kisses,

Coco - The Princess

Mason Dixie said...

Go to customize
then click and drag the gadget that has you follower list to the top of the page, and it should get as long as the page.
you can rearrange your gadgets anyway you like them. =)
hope that helps

the 4 Bs said...

hi Stanislaw, that's quite a harness. it looks like a cross between a life jacket and an overnight bag - hee hee!

congrats on doing so well in school. we have always liked school too and it's so relaxing to come home after it's over and take a good long nap.


Toffee said...

...yeah, I am a treat whore..just sayin'...unless it interrupts my nap schedule...nope, I would interrupt my nap schedule for a treat...

Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

I'm like Mason Dixie!

A khlass like that would sooooo not know what to do with ME!

Khongrats on not puking!

That was a full day all unto itself!


Paris said...

My you are one handsome cockerboy!

I wish you and I could snoozle together on top of that couch. It sure would be cozy.

I bet you will graduate valedictorian Stani.

Woof ya,

Niamh said...

That harness looks like an amazing contraption Stanislaw. But if it keeps you from going Astray, it will be a good thing.

I'm glad that you enjoyed your class and got lots of treats. It is all about training your person to give you treats at the proper rate of reinforcement. People are pleased by the simplest things. You can get vast quantities of treats just for lying down, which I am sure you know how to do anyway.

Enjoy your class. I am sure you will graduate at the top of the class. And yes your bro is a shrimp compared to you.

Your friend,

FleasGang said...

That's the fanciest harness we've ever seen, Stan! All those handles and straps. It looks like mountain climbing gear. Sounds like you're gonna learn a whole bunch in your class. Glad you didn't barf in the car :-)

Shelly & Tommy

Louis Reginald said...

Man, oh man! What kind of treats? Meaty ones? Cheesy ones? I'll do anything for a treat. Today I even did 'down' at the park for the first time!!

That harness looks pretty cool!

Your pal,


Bae Bae said...

I've never seen a bacteria stuffy before but it looks pawsome.
Sounds like you did wonderful in class

~ Bae

Maggie and Mitch said...

That is one cool harness, Stan!
Next week you'll be #1 in your class and Mr. Golden Retriever can take a backseat to you! Keep up the good work!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

Stanley said...


You look like an elite mountain climber in that harness getup. Really rugged and beastly in my opinion.

And by the way, you already ARE a good boy!

About the treats... it totally depends from moment to moment, doesn't it? Usually, my stomach outweighs whatever else is going on, so if a treat doesn't distract me, my girl knows I'm pretty far gone on my own OCD stuff.

Hope you get to play with your classmates next time!

Goober love,

Dennis the Vizsla said...

hello stanislaw its dennis the vizsla dog hay their is no shaym in wurking for treets altho tucker ashoors me they tayst better wen yoo steel them but of korse tucker is a littel bit eevil sumtimes ha ha ok bye

Pruett & Daphne said...

OMG! We love your blog! So amazing to come across fellow dog bloggers out there. LOVE THE WRITING! Keep up the great work! We are definitely subscribing to keep up with your adventures!

Pruett & Daphne
A GSD Brother/Sister Team

Byron y Xinver said...

Hi. We're happy to meet you. We two eat raw meat (and fish...). We are on a BARF diet for two years, more or less. See you.

Hero said...

Cool harness, Stan. Congrats on doing so well on your first day at school. I'm sure you'll usurp the Golden Retriever as #1 come graduation time.

Dughallmor Beagles said...

Heehee, it is if the treats are yummy liver cake! Glad you enjoyed your class Stan, you got to show off your beastly skills to all the newbies too!
The recipe for liver cake is in our sidebar, the very last item.
Basically, 3 eggs and a packet of liver whizzed in the blender, add flour until it's a dough and either stick it in the oven till it's cooked or nuke it for 10mins or so, same as human cake, if you stick a knife in it and it comes out clean it's done! Dice it, bag it up and freeze voilá, easy and good for your beastly meat-eater!
You don't have to use liver....any kind of mince will do, tinned fish (our favourite is tomato pilchard flavour)...we sometimes even get it made with bananas or apples, yum!
Add anything you want too....garlic paste, tomato purée, seeds, honey, marmite, cheese...anything goes....enjoy!
Slobbers xx

Joe Stains said...

omdog that harness looks like a life preserver or something?! I need to get more treats but I am so bad at that whole behaving thing.

Alex V. said...

Stan, that's an awesome harness! It kind of looks like one of those therapy dog/service dog harnesses. Glad you're liking classes, and I think it's truly worth being good while getting treats. Loki might disagree with you on that one though =P

Scottie the 'cutie' said...

That's great to hear you're excelling in your class, Stan! Your harness made you look like a working protection dog though, so it shouldn't be that bad, right? *wink*
Hope you have a great week!


duo_disaster said...

Here's a TOUGH question for you Stan: "If you have to choose, Food or Freedom, what would be your choice?"

Our Dad & Mum had a hard time trying to figure my mind out.