Saturday, March 20, 2010

Irish Yet Unlucky

Big Pupi isn't pleased:

You may have noticed that I have been blessed with devilishly handsome freckles. For this reason, mom calls me her "Irish Son" (making my pierogie-loving brother her "Polish Son"). Despite my clover-bearing heritage and the fact that I happen to look smashing in green, St. Patrick's Day is not a lucky one for me. Why, you might ask?

St. Paddy's makes my weeble angry.

The first time I found myself being horrendously violated by my doctor for an infection of my manliness was on this same Irish holiday one year ago. And this year, on the day us Irish folk should be drinking from green water bowls and getting kisses, I was back at the vet with another bout of Angry Weeble-itis.

If you remember, I have a "condition" which makes my manhood a little exaggerated for a beast of my proportions. When you add this to my amazing flexibility (I can hike a hinder up perpendicular to the ground when marking my territory), it makes for some weeble-flopping-on-stuff action. I pick up some nice bacteria doing this, and it always hits as soon as the weather warms up - which is March in my neck of the woods. Or city.

The doctor had to do the most horrible of horrible things to me at the Place of Tile and Steel. She actually took a little red rubber piece of tubing and SHOVED IT where I'm pretty certain it was NOT supposed to go, and then flushed sterile saline all over my privacy and I'm pretty sure I never ever ever want that to happen again. Humans are totally insane and I truly think they enjoy a little cocker spaniel torture every once in a while.

If I could have blushed through my freckles I would have. And to add insult to infection, I overheard my mom saying that I was a "neutered" male. What? No way. After a few bark park discussions on what "neutered" actually means, I assured my people that I, in fact, knew where my balls where and upon our return home from the doctor I brought one out to show my mom.
See? I think this qualifies me as "in tact," although I really don't like labels.

I spent the remainder of the evening gripping my ball as tightly as possible so as to ease any concerns about the degree of my masculinity. Or maybe it was just to reassure myself. I also made certain to check on my manhood often, as I was very concerned that I would try to run away after its day of horrors.
Thanks to an antibiotic, my weeble is no longer angry and seems to be doing quite well. But now mom holds me back when I mark my territory so that my manliness doesn't come in contact with anything anymore. This really screws with my aim, and it creates a problem of grand proportions since I like to lift my leg no less than a 1,000 times on every walk. I call it "going shopping," and a beast can't make any purchases if he can't hit his mark.

But... I guess all's well that ends well, and at least I've got my stuffy balls.
Your in-tact friend,

Big Pupi

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Why I Love My Feasts

I swear that this photo wasn't inspired by some serious snoozely brotherly snugging. That being said, shortly after this picture was taken I insisted that I be taken to the Place of Tile and Steel for a cootie vaccine and general dork prevention. I think mom understood my dire state, and Big Pupi and I were whisked away to the Place of Tile and Steel for a check-up.

She called it our "annual" and if I had known that a cootie test involved needles, ear checks and vet techs taking my blood without my permission - I would have never made the request. What a mistake! Big Pupi suffers from some serious White Coat Syndrome and is immediately turned into a pile of shivering mush the second our doctor walks into the exam room... and for no good reason, because our doctor is especially nice and generous with the skritches and sweet talk. I think she is totally awesome and I do my best grunty bummy hops when she scratches between my hip bones. The Place of Tile and Steel isn't all bad!

Doctor lady had lots of nice things to say about us. Our weight is ideal (I'm pretty sure this means that I am a beast of massive proportions), our ears are clean and our teeth are perfectly pearly white. We were also deemed Extreme Athletes because we have a heart rate of 60 beats per minute, when a normal heart for a dog our size beats 100-140 times per minute. This is really big news for Big Pupi. When he was adopted he had to be treated for full-fledged heartworm, which can often leave scars on the heart tissue and surrounding arteries. This damage can make the heart less efficient. It's nice to know that Big Pupi's ticker is at its absolute best. I think we owe this to all of the fast hunts that I drag my humans on. They can thank me later.

Because of Big Pupi's age and his history of iffy kidney values, he had to have extra blood stolen for a senior blood panel. It came back perfect! Every single organ value was right on target, and his creatinine levels have kept a steady, low, healthy number. This is huge news, because when my folks first took BP home his post-shelter blood work showed that he was at risk for kidney failure. His doctor recommended that he be checked every 6 months for his kidney values (creatinine and BUN), and the result of each test got worse and worse as time went on. Eight weeks after introducing the raw diet, mom had his values checked again and to her surprise they had dropped well within the healthy range and haven't budged since. This latest blood test confirmed that his kidneys remain in perfect working order and are no longer cause for any concern whatsoever. What a relief!

And to top it all off, our titer tests came back positive for immunity AGAIN, which means that we get to skip our DHPP vaccine for the third year in a row!! Makes you wonder why we are injected every single year with these vaccines, right?! That would be like your humans needing their tetanus, polio, diptheria, rotovirus, and meningitis vaccines every single year for their entire lives. It's a little much, especially when you know that over-vaccination in pets has been linked to malignant cancers. And I'll take any excuse to avoid a needle.

We've been elated after this vet visit. They haven't always been this good in the past. And it was our start on the raw diet that marked this sudden change in veterinary events. Thanks delicious feasts! All the more reason for me to eat more raw meatables. Right? RIGHT? I'll let you know how dinner works our for me tonight.

Happy feasting my friends. Your healthy manly bud,