Raw Food Diet, Day 197- Deep Thoughts by Stanislaw #7

A Sofa with Secrets

So last weekend, I invited some humans friends over to play with me for a few days.  It turned out that they wanted to do sleepies in my territory and I said, "Okay, you're welcome to snuggle with me in my crate."  My humans had a different idea.  

Apparently my friends were going to do sleepies in the living space of my territory.  That's when all of a sudden my napping couch turned into a human-size bed crate!  This absolutely blew my mind.  I thought I knew everything about my napping couch since I spend a lot of time there, but apparently it is a transformer.  

As you can probably understand, this scared me for a while and I hid in my own crate.  I was still interested in what was going on, so after a while I came out to investigate.  That's when I realized that couch transformations could be an opportunity for me to jump on a human bed!

I flung my body onto my couch (now a bed) and realized it was as comfortable as a human sleeping crate, complete with human-smelling pillows and blankies!  I decided that this was the place I was going to stay.  However - like when I jump onto the main human crate - I was forced off by my people and made to sleep in my own bed.  The next day, the couch bed was gone and my napping sofa was back to normal.  I sniffed around for the bed that was inside of it, but could not find it.  I haven't seen any sign of it since.

This may sound weird, but I think that my couch is magic.

In the image above, you'll see our buddy Henry (right) and Big Pupi's girlfriend, Lilly (top).  The third dog is a mystery...

Raw Food Diet, Day 151- Deep Thoughts by Stanislaw #6

Regarding Bugs

One of my favorite past times is eating bugs.  Mosquitos, spiders, crickets, lizards... basically any bug that moves or is dead.  What confuses me is that I'm just starting to see these tasty crunchies out and about again after not seeing them for almost 6 months.  I was seriously starting to think that last summer I had eaten every bug out there.  But alas, the bugs are back and tastier than ever.  

So where did they go?  

To answer this question, let's explore what I know to be true about bugs.  They live in the grass.  They live in the air.  They live on walls and sometimes on floors.  They come in many different shapes and sizes.  Some accept their fate and go right down my throat when I eat them, while others struggle a bit.  Some are gooey and some are crunchy.  When my fur is long, I'm less likely to encounter bugs.  That must be it!

Bugs must be able to detect my long fur and send out a signal to their friends to clear the area.  Now that I've got my summer 'do, they have no idea I am coming to eat them.  

Stupid bugs.

Raw Food Diet, Day 150- Deep Thoughts by Stanislaw #5

I want a napkin on my crate, just like the one my humans have on theirs.  It's a nice little ruffly part of their bed that extends to the floor and has just so many wonderful uses - none of which my humans use it for.  In fact, they don't use it at all!  I don't understand how people can be so wasteful of the things that they have.  

First of all, it makes an excellent hiding place.  Sure, I can only fit my head and shoulders under there, but I'm almost positive that no one can see me as long as I can't see them.  So all you really need is to squeeze your nose and eyes under.  

Secondly, that place is jam-packed with lost treasures, like socks that have gone solo and the most amazing dust bunnies I've ever hunted.  Humans should really spend some quality time crawling around under their crate and explore the exciting world of UnderTheBedLand.

Finally, and perhaps my most favorite and frequent use for this ruffly thingy takes advantage of its wonderful absorbent qualities.  It's a long, upright napkin and it's just my height for wiping my post-feast face on.  I eat like a total beast, and more often then I'd like to admit I wind up with some feast leavings on my manly beard and body that my tongue, as dextrous as it may be, is just not able to reach.  Far be it from me ever go out looking less than my handsome self, and so I must go that extra mile to keep myself as polished as possible.  It just so happens that this extra mile is from the laps I make around the humans' crate, wiping myself nose-to-tail along this incredibly long napkin.  Works like a charm.

So now I'm left to wonder why those silly people don't do the same.  I mean, it's their napkin, right?  Perhaps they set it up at the wrong height?  My dad could probably use his crate napkin about a mile higher than I'd need mine.  It's an excellent way to prevent baths, and if my humans would only get a clue it could save them from their daily scrub downs.  And when the people are having a bad day and they become Grumpalumpakises, why don't they just hide under there?  I'd be willing to bet some cheese that in no time they'll be distracted from their woes by all that this magical UnderTheBedLand has to offer. 

And yet, it goes untouched and unused by my people.  How can this be?

Raw Food Diet, Day 133- Deep Thoughts by Stanislaw #4

So, I was watching some Animal Planet yesterday after playing at the dog park, when my TV was interrupted by an alert from the National Weather Service.

First of all, I was just about to see a tiger eat an antelope when this annoying lady voice took over my TV and said "seek shelter" and "get out of your mobile home" and stuff.  This lady thought she was more important than hippos fighting alligators.  

Second of all, I know when the tornados are coming and this one wasn't even going to get close to us.  I mean, if a tornado was really looming, I'd tell my humans to take shelter in my crate.  Then I would go outside after it was over and see if any goats or cows blew into my neighborhood.  The point is that I am a dog and I know what the weather is going to do even before your silly human weather-sniffing gadgets know... so let me watch my Animal Planet in peace!  The thought of missing some good squirrel footage made Big Pupi quite distraught.
In the end, I wonder why humans need this Emergency Broadcast System.  And I wonder why they rely so much on silly radar devices when they are so fortunate to have us canines in their homes.  Everyone knows that us critters come with masterful weather-hunting abilities already in our brains!  Just keep an eye on us and we'll tell you what to do.  I wonder what happened to people that they lost this 6th sense.  Someone should bring it up with their breeder.

Keep a nose to the sky,

Stanislaw

Raw Food Diet, Day 107- Deep Thoughts by Stanislaw #3

Every so often our humans put on their loud clacky heals and don't-get-fur-on-me pants and leave Big Pupi and me home alone.  They will usually come back later in the evening smelling of deliciousness from a place that I have never been and from feasts that I have never had.  I usually let them get away with just a mild harassment when they return, but on this particular occasion the smells coming from their don't-get-fur-on-me pants were not too unlike my feast for that evening.  

Before my humans had left that night, I had been given some raw whiting fish to feast on for dinner, with a little leftover brown rice (yes, grains again) and some green veggie mush.  

I stared up at my humans and wondered why on earth I could sniff the same ingredients wafting from their clothing.  And most importantly, why they would LEAVE Big Pupi and me and go to a place that was serving the SAME THING I know we have in our meat locker at home!  I mean, it's bad enough that they will let me out of their sight even for a second and leave me home with my bully of a brother.  And it's worse to know that they will leave us home while they go out to FEAST, but now they're eating stuff that they can just have here in the company of their two fabulous dogs??  Big Pupi and I were not at all pleased with the situation.

Usually they come home stinking of deliciousness that I have never smelled before.  They say that mom isn't a good cook and can't make those foods, but I think that's just an excuse so they can go to these mysterious places of food smells and tastiness.  Why they've never taken me is a mystery, but I've let them get away with it up until now.  But when feasts can be shared and found at home - this is where I draw the line.

Sure, I've heard you say that when my manners and the weather improve I can sit outside with you at cafes and do my Sit Like Good Boy while you eat.  You tell me that I need to be-"have" but I assure you that I have plenty of this so-called "have" but only if there are treats involved.  And you can't possibly expect me to do Sit Like Good Boy while you're feasting on deliciousness and not sharing it with me!  Are you insane?!

You humans are a crazy bunch and some of the things that you do are just cruel.  But next time you're out feasting on the same foods that I eat, I must insist that you take me along.  A learning boy must see these magical feasting locations and sample some of their wares.  And I'm pretty sure I would find the raw fish, rice and veggies that you people eat in secret just as delicious as the stuff that I found in my bowl and spread all over the kitchen floor.  

http://sushipups.com

If anyone can explain to me why humans do this please let me know, as I need to come up with an air-tight argument as to why I must attend the next mystery feasting.

-Stanislaw

Raw Food Diet, Day 100- Deep Thoughts by Stanislaw #2

Last Saturday morning I was just hanging out in my apartment waiting to go to the Polish parade when I heard a weird knocking on my window.  I went over to check out the scene and to my amazement I saw a human-like creature scaling my building.  It was like Spiderman or something.  I even have evidence in case you didn't believe me:

I mean, I know birds can fly.  And I know squirrels can fly.  But humans?!  This not only confused me, but also made me pretty scared.  After cowering and hiding for a little while, I worked up the bravery to try to communicate with this amazing flying human.  I have some footage of the conversation, which didn't go very well:

Another weird thing is once this super-human left, my windows were cleaner and I can now see pigeons out of them much more easily.  If any dog out there happens to see this flying breed of human around their neighborhood, please let me know.  I'm very interested in how they gained their ability to fly, which would be very helpful to me while bird hunting.

Stanislaw

Raw Meat Diet, Day 94- Deep Thoughts by Stanislaw #1

 Magical Portal Boxes

If someone could shed some light for me on exactly how elevators work, please drop me a comment because elevators completely blow my mind.  I do understand that I need to take the portal box in order to get outside to do my business, and then to get back inside to my apartment to feast.  

Here's what confuses me:  Yesterday I got in the elevator in the lobby of my building.  Along with my humans and my brother, a man I didn't know got into the portal box with us.  He happened to be carrying some food, pretty sure it was the new pastrami and cheese foot-long sub from Subway.  Of course, the feast interested me, but then the elevator stopped and the man got off.  I thought we were supposed to be home, but my dad pulled me back in the elevator, which closed then opened again and we exited.  And guess what... the guy with the delicious pastrami and cheese sub was gone!!  I just saw him get out of the elevator, so where could he have gone?  I looked around confused and then focused my attention to sniffing under other people's doors for cats and such.

***

Big Pupi says:

Yeah.  I totally don't get it either.  All I know for sure is that the elevator carpet is full of awesome smells of other dogs, and if I sit like a good boy I get a treat.  But as for the magical transporting part of it...  well, I'm a smart boy but I just can't quite get my mind around this one.

ESI Spaniels

(Elevator Scene Investigation)