Raw Food Diet, Day 572- Just Say 'No' to NASCAR

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Big Pupi might need anger management:

I never realized how much I detest NASCAR... until my mom came home with this toy. The evil, possessed little thing makes the most horrible growling sounds and is actually able to run away from me ON ITS OWN!! That's totally not kosher!!! Toys are supposed to be submissive, and accept their fate in my jaws. But this angry little bugger does not obey the rules and it just filled me with hatred and the need to bark and do some growling of my own. I REALLY don't like rule breakers!

It was time for me to release the beast, and the NASCAR toy got it. Try not to let the video or my rippling beast muscles of fury intimidate you. I can't help that I'm such an animal.

Rest in Pieces, evil toy.
Big Pupi

Raw Food Diet, Day 602- If You Build It, They Will Feast

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Big Pupi is one helpful dude:

So. When I heard that my buddy Joe is planning to open his own garage, I decided to lend a paw and brush up on my construction skillz. Somehow mom knew I was going to need the proper tools for this, and last week she placed my very own drill in my feasting hole. If I'm not mistaken, (and I most certainly am not), once a boy owns tools he becomes a professional carpenter. So, Mr. Joe, I am ready for work.I read my drill's manual very carefully, and after I shred the heck out of it I got to work checking and testing my new tool.
It makes this fabulous nails-on-chalkboard sound every time I roll over it, which I believe is how the On and Off switch works. In a test of durability (you never know with these battery-operated drills!) I nibbled on its bum for a while.
I realized that my bum required some cushioning if I am to concentrate, so I moved my work station to my snoozel spot. Upon entering, I noticed that my bed was terribly lumpy and uncomfortable on my sensitive, manly bahonkus! But this was the perfect opportunity to test my drillin' skillz before starting work with Joe. I would drill until I found the problem! Just call me Captain FixIt.
But to my ABSOLUTE HORROR, this evil thing popped out from under my rear!!!
WHAT?!! The source of lumps! The pea under my mattress! There aren't enough drills in the UNIVERSE to get rid of this pain in the bum.
That being said, a Stanislaw makes for a rather decent hot water bottle of sorts, and I snoozeled next to his toastiness for a while. (NO!! We were NOT cuddling!! I know what you're thinking!!!)

Once my mind was rested, I embarked on a few brain teasers to ensure that I would be as sharp as a tack for my first day on the job. In an effort to conserve time (after all, time is cheese money), I did a light yoga workout while solving my puzzle. I think they call that "multi-feasting."
After some great success with my puzzle toy (mom put string cheese bits in it, so I was über-motivated), I decided it was time to rest my genius once again. But this time I would snoozel with Carrot Top and NOT my stinkbutt brother.

Dear Joe,

Send a weeble mail when you need me. I am skilled with my drill, my mind is ready and my beastly muscles have been conditioned. If I had dewclaws I'd sharpen them. I'm really good at napping, feasting, feasting and thrashing stuffies - all things which I believe make me ideal for shop work.

I have successfully run my own business for over 6 years now (a pooble factory) and have managed to train 2 unwieldy humans. I am spritely and responsible, and have an awesome credit score.

I wrote my resume in the snow last winter. I hope you can still find it.

Thank you, and I look forward to speaking with you soon.
Big Pupi the Drill Master

Raw Food Diet, Day 550- Because 3 is 21 in Dog Years

DUDES! Apparently it was my birthday on Sunday and I had NO IDEA because I don't have a calendar and I can't write! It was total awesomeness!

First, dad said that since I'm 3 and therefore 21 in dog years, I can legally purchase "special beverages" in the stores that sell feasting materials. He told me that there's this totally wacky right of passage for many American frat boys and since I'm a party animal I should experience it. So, dad gave me this this empty aluminum beer bottle~~and then he made me sit next to it for pictures. I was all like WHAT? What's so fun about this? Why do super crazy college boys like these things so much? Big Pupi decided that since he made it through all 4 years of college and never heard of such a tradition, he needed to investigate.
He checked inside for meat and found none. He said it smelled an awful lot like this place that's a short jog from home. It plays annoying music and always has the door open. He couldn't tell me what went on in that place because it's so dark inside, but he said it stunk like this beer bottle mixed with bad cologne. Humans are SO WEIRD!

I tried to tell my people that in MY world there's a tradition that on a dog's third birthday he gets to feast on roasted squirrel butt. Since my rather dense humans don't speak Stanislaw I had to do a little interpretive dance for them to explain the situation. They still didn't seem to get it. DUH! Didn't they get that on their third birthdays? Shouldn't they KNOW???

I did get to feast on some vanilla ice cream and dad and me played lots and lots with my favoritest squirrel log stuffy. That was SO AWESOME! (Here's a photo of my dorkus bro with the funnest toy in the WholeWideWorld:)
Dad holds the log and I shove my face into the holes and yank out one of those little squirrel nerds. Then I thrash the poobles out of it and go high-stepping into the office for some more quality thrashing and a few paw pounds and some manly prancing. Then I zip back to dad and YANK!!! Another squirrel is ready for the shaking of a lifetime. Once all the squirrels have been emancipated, I stare at dad until he goes to the office and puts it all back together. I LOVE THIS GAME!!

Speaking of games, mom ordered Big Pupi and me puzzle toys for our birthdays (BP's big day is August 8). My bro got this crazy cool tornado treat toy:
It has 3 layers each with 4 treat compartments. It spins and has white bone "locks" that increase the difficulty-ness. It is one of Nina Ottosson's "Advanced" level toys and it took Pupi all of 3 minutes to empty on his FIRST TRY - WITH the locks in place! Mom didn't even show him how it worked!
That blue treat dispensing puzzle in the background was my puzzle birthday toy present. I hate it. I barked at it for while and it did nothing, so I left to take a nap. Face it folks - I only like toys when they're attached to my dad. Otherwise I couldn't be less interested. So that means dad has to be home all the time to play with me. How's that for a birthday wish!

Paws crossed for next year,
Stanislaw da Birthday Manislaw

Raw Food Diet, Day 443- The Feaster Party Continues

Hey bloggerini dudes! Ready for my (F)Easter Extravaganza part deux? I totally am. Let's rock.

Dad rolled out of bed at the crack of noon and I greeted him in my usual mom- and dad-greeting way~~which, according to Niamh's human, means I'm being a polite little man. Heck yeah! Although I don't know why humans think I'm being so nice. I'm just hoisting my little bum into the air for some butt-scritches. It works every time! I have my folks SO well trained.

Notice my summer shaved belly? It feels SO GOOD! I even helped mom get the clippers into my leg pits to remove all that knotty fuzz. I feel like a beast and can run like the wind! Everything was taken down on us except for our legs because dad says we have chicken legs without that fur on them and he doesn't like the way that it looks. NO WAY dad. I don't have bird legs! And you KNOW what I do to bird parts! This is 100%, Grade-A Beast!

Speaking of bird parts, Big Pupi and I got an Easter package in the mail from our grandhumans. It included a massive dark chocolate bunny which my people put way up high on a shelf in the pantry. Hey folks... how am I supposed to get it there? That package was for BEASTS, not for you! Anyway, I forgot all about that feasting bunny when these 2 squeaky stuffies appeared:
Dangly stuffiness! I LOVE dangly stuffies! They're perfect for tuggin' with dad~
And they offer awesome grabbage opportunities for stealing them from my brother. But if I manage to pull that off, he always thrashes me and takes the toy back. For the most part I've learned my lesson and don't usually try to steal stuffies from him anymore, but sometimes when I've got an extra snarzle in my bum I can get a little wild. I pooble on Consequence!

(Notice my dad's FABULOUS stinky sock in the background? I STOLE it from the hamper!)

My dorkus bro got a sweater from mom on Easter, and despite the fact that it was 50 degrees outside she made him try it on. HA! What a nerd-bomb!
Mom liked the way Paisley's sweater turned out so much, that she made a dude version for my bro. It fits him like a glove, which means that he can never get it dirty because it'll probably shrink a little when it's washed. Bad planning mom! We're ALWAYS dirty! She also forgot to put any collar or harness holes in it so it's pretty much useless for any outdoor, leash-required activities. Maybe he can wear it to a party or something. AS IF people would invite that nerd to a party! Ha! Everyone knows that I'm the party animal in this house. I mean, just look at the depth of his dweebiness~
There's another sweater in the works for me that has a squirrel and acorn pattern going on. I think it sounds delicious. Then mom might make ANOTHER one for Big Pupi that will be a bit more useful (read: looser in the body with a harness hole). Right! She ALWAYS finds a way to screw these things up!

Does anyone have any pattern ideas for Big Pupi's next sweater? Right now we're thinking of another black number with white lightening bolts on it. But we're excited to see what you think!

Feast hard, fellas.
Stanislaw

A funny faux-article for all you dog bloggers!

Raw Food Diet, Day 189- Death to Stuffy

Great success!  I killed my first stuffy!

Big Pupi never lets me destroy the stuffies.  And trust me.  I've tried.  However, for reasons known only to Pupi, he allowed me to do as I pleased with this purple bunny toy which was my Easter gift from grandma.  I worked slowly, cautiously.  First I removed his eyes which left a nice gaping hole in his head.  Then I realized with great joy that there was a whole world of bunny guts inside, complete with a squeaker!

I left bunny bits strewn about the apartment, and Pupi and I both enjoyed nibbling and shredding the guts into smaller and smaller puffs.  I guess he never before realized the full potential of a stuffy!  Look at how quickly his nubbly little tail is wagging.
We were allowed to shred and tear for a while, but once I completely deflated the bunny and removed its ears, mom took it and the precious squeaker away.  She said that they were going in the trash, but I really think that she saved them for dad to play with when he got home from work!  He's the kind of guy that would appreciate my hard work, and enjoy himself some squeaker chewing.
Well, the stuffy killing fun didn't last long and now Big Pupi is defending all the other toys as usual.  There may not be any more de-stuffy-ing for a while, but boy was it a good time!  It was also educational - now I know what's really inside those live bunnies I see outside that drive me so wild.  Just wait!  Some day I'll get me one of those and destuff him as well!

Bunny guts are fluffy,

Stanislaw

Raw Food Diet, Day 137- Fun Everlasting

Total awesomeness happened yesterday.  We got one crinkled, broken, squashed, crushed and pulverized box in the mail, and mom said it was for us DOGS!

Our humans found that they can save some serious cheese money by ordering our Frontline in the mail, and they put this extra cash to good use.  They got us some treats!  In this particular squishy box, we had some venison jerky, beef pizzles, birthday toys for Big Pupi and me (we haven't seen those yet), and the ultimate prize:
Our buddy Fenway turned us on to the Fun Ball, and we had to give it a whirl.  Despite my iron-clad cocker jaws that have chewed through all rubbery toys in the past (even those made for big dogs!) I am yet to make a dent in the Fun Ball, and it's not because I didn't try.  Mom put a jerky treat in there, and boy, did I gnaw and nibble.

I took the Fun Ball immediately to my most favorite place to chew - the sofa.  You may notice the sofa is again without its slip cover, and that's because it's also Big Pupi's most favorite place to vomit.  Our little bodies are kicking that tummy virus in the bum, and we're feeling so good today that we were back in playing (and fighting) mode.

I was busy being Good Boy and having lots of Have working on my Fun Ball.  I really dig it's kind of gooey texture and I can actually work my jaws on it.  The downside is that I haven't yet been able to break any pieces off to eat, because I'm sure it would be mighty tasty.  Another major downside of this toy is that Big Pupi, my bully of a brother, caught a sniff of the venison-infused Fun Ball cavity, and immediately stole my new play thing away from me.  I was one disgruntled boy.

Big Pupi stole my venison jerky and refused to give the now-empty Fun Ball back to my mouth, which is where it belongs.  To make matters worse, the Ball has good holes and grooves in it which make for great tooth-grips, rendering my Fun Ball a permanent fixture in Pupi's face. 

Mom gave me some jerky to try and console me after my recent meat robbery, and she also put another piece back inside the Fun Ball and that kept my awful, terrible, no-good brother out of my fur for a while as he tried to work it out.

I stole some belly rubs from my human and he didn't even know!  Usually he's a belly rub party crasher, but he was OBSESSED with the Ball-O-Feasting-Awesomeness.

The Fun Ball also has some quality bounce to it, and just as Fenway promised it hasn't left its mark anywhere on the walls or furniture.  I guess it has realized that I'm the only one allowed to mark this territory.

As for the rest of that wonderful smashed box's contents... we're not allowed to play with that stuff for now.  No more treats until our tummies are totally better, and we still have no idea what those birthday gifts can be.  Again, I found myself less than pleased at the thought that I would have to be Patient to get presents.  

I don't like to be Have, and I certainly do not enjoy being Patient.  Those are not qualities of a kingly cocker spaniel!  I also have to wait for my new collar to arrive.  Since the box of goodies had such a rough trip finding its way to my home, my collar escaped and ran away.  The nice folks at J-B Wholesale Pet Supplies said they will send another one right away.  I am so pumped for a leather collar!!  I'm obsessed with leather, and Big Pupi has a matching one that looks swell and has held up really nicely.  I have a cool nylon collar now, but I pull so hard on my leash that my humans get fearful the plastic buckle will break and I'll be a free roaming boy once again.  Plus, now that I'm a big boy my humans say that I can get a fancy big boy collar -- just as long as I don't eat it.  Right.  Me not eat something leather??

I'm willing to bet some cheese that my shiny new bling-bling gear would look even better if I had a Fun Ball in my mouth.  I'm just sure of it.

*Note: My humans found an ENTIRE LINE of Fun Ball products at Triple Crown!!

Raw Food Diet, Day 89- Bad Dreams

Since my raw meat order for this month is now a week late in arriving at my door, I'm really starting to get stressed out.  Last night I was in my crate and I had a bad dream.  I dreamed that the meat man was driving down the street, when all of a sudden, the back of his truck busted open and my goat escaped, running throughout the city.  My goat was so fast, I couldn't catch him.  He ran to the land of the uncatchable rabbits never to be feasted upon again.

Worried about my goat,

Stanislaw

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Big Pupi likes to play play play

Stanislaw and I have 2 big baskets of toys, one in the living room and one in the office, and we like to spend our days making sure that they have been emptied and our treasures are scattered about the apartment.  I cannot express my joy when I wake in the middle of the night to hear one of my humans step on something loud and squeaky on their way to the bathroom, and I know that I had left that toy there the evening before.  So fun!

Every so often our people will order toys from a wholesale store online called PetEdge, and a few days later a man appears at our door with a box full of goodies just for Stan and me.  Some toys on that site are as little as 80 cents!  (I think that is equal to one-half piece of cheese for all you dogs out there.)  Regardless of dollars or cheese, we get lots of fun stuff this way. 

My super favorite toy, the singing Christmas Tree Mouse Toy, didn't come from the magical computer store.  It came from my grandma human instead.  Boy oh boy.  That toy is just the greatest.  I love it so much I couldn't bring myself to completely detach the right ear like I do with all my other toys.  I left it only partly severed.  He is just so special to me -- I will even sometimes take him out for our potty walks so he can get some fresh air.  He sings to me when I thrash him and his little tree decorations light up.  I make sure to give him at least 5 good thrashings after breakfast each morning, and I know my humans just LOVE to hear him sing his song over and over and over.  The battery never dies!  It's so great!!

But sometimes Stanislaw and I like to be entertained with a different kind of toy... the kind we can tear and shred and destroy and not feel bad about.  On those occasions, our humans will take an empty cardboard paper towel roll, cut it in half and make us our little tear toys.  They cut 2 slits in each end of the piece of towel tube to make flaps, then Stan and I will drool as we watch them put some treats inside and fold down the flaps to close the tastiness into the tube.  Then we each get one and it's shredding time!

It's super fun to get to exercise our tearing instincts and not get in trouble for it.  And my brother and I will do anything for a treat.  I'm a pro at ripping that thing to bits in seconds, eating my treat and then stealing my brother's away from him and eating his treat too.  It's great!  

**If your human does decide to make this toy for you, tell them to keep an eye out while you're playing with it.  Some dogs, (like Stanislaw), will try to consume the cardboard and that's just not good.