Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Raw Food Diet, Day 362- A Fine Whine

My dad happens to have THE BEST stuff in the whole entire world. A lot of it is leather. Now, I'm sure that most of you are aware of my full-on, no holding back leather addiction but if you're not, I'm telling you now that leather makes me go a little bonkers. My humans first discovered this obsession when I taught myself how to open the closet door so that I could hide in there and feast upon dad's leather work boots. I did fine work, slurping down all of that quality cow skin and leaving a rubber sole and each and every grommet on the floor for my folks to find. Yum. Protein flavored with a tiny bit of foot grime. Dad is one heck of a cook.

Dad has an all-leather bag he uses for work and school, and while I'm yet to get a hold of it I think it really exemplifies my dad's own refined tastes in leather goods. I admire that bag every evening and stare as it sits perched upon my meat locker and out of my feasting jaws.

I keep very close tabs on all bovine-related items in my territory. I'm a very organized boy and a very good Overseer of the Leather Goods. But it was about a week ago when I caught a whiff of something so mysterious and delicious coming from a partially-opened drawer in the office. I crammed my nose into the crack and took deep, concerning breaths. This was a leather so thick and so finely aged that I just BEGGED dad to give me a closer look.Indeed father! You have the BEST STUFF EVER! I checked the craftsmanship and the stitching of the item. Oh, my. This is a beautiful specimen.
Yes. Yes, this is certainly suitable for a beast such as myself. I began to lose control of my tail... heck, my entire backside was bouncing and wiggling in such a violent manner I had no idea what my bum was trying to do. Calm down, dude! I held my newest prize up to the light and gave it a swirl. "Ah, I bet this cow had some fine legs," I thought. I held it to my nose and sniffed. Then it was time for a taste.
My big browns rolled back into my head as the thick, dry, chewy leather melted on my taste buds. I began to growl like a psycho beast any time Big Pupi was within earshot. It's totally unlike me to be so guarded but this was a once in a lifetime deal. I have no idea where dad got this incredible thing and for all I know it's the only one that exists in the whole world! I was NOT about to let my butt-bomb brother take it away. Mom thought that I was becoming possessed by the intoxicating leather aromas.
She may have been right. But who can blame me! Just look at all that fine construction! This thing is ART! And it was about to become a masterpiece in my belly.And then dad took it away. Just as quickly as I had come to know this spectacular thing, it was gone and stuffed back into the drawer. He promised I could play with it again, and in the mean time I sniff that drawer and make sure it's doing okay. I think dad wants it to age just a little bit more before it's tanning is balanced and the dirt really has a chance to mellow. Geesh. That dad of mine. He is such a gentleman! He knows just so much about the finer things in life, and leather is certainly the finest of things.

Pa is my idol,


Mason Dixie said...

Wow you really do like your leather, and a baseball glove is just perfect for that. I hope you get it back soon. =)

Rambo said...

Hi Stanislaw,
I have never tried leather and that baseball glove looks good. My humans are too over protective and don't let me try the good stuff. They think I will choke on everything!! Dumb humans.
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Rambo the chi

Fenway said...

I think Dice K's colorful glove would send you into orbit.

Thanks for the biggest laff of the day!

Dughallmor Beagles said...

Hmmmm, we've tasted leather too....a kid glove....the odd shoe....an old leather lead, but you've really hit the jackpot there, we're on our way over to help you with it, ok? *drools*
Mum is chuckling, she thinks you're a real hoot but we have to remind her that our pursuit of all things leather is a serious matter- and that includes your sheepskin slippers, Mum, we will find them unattended one day!
Slobbers xx

Amber-Mae said...

I bet it tastes like cow huh? Hehehe!

Butt wiggles,
Solid Gold Dancer

Niamh said...

I went through a couple of leather leashes when I was a puppy but have never been that obsessed. Maybe I should revisit the entire leather question Stanislaw, since you recommend it so highly.

If you mom needs help finding a class, have her email my person. She may be able to get a referral for you. Do not go Astray. I think Astray in Chicago could be very dangerous. Stay safe.

Your friend,

Maggie and Mitch said...

What a nice chew toy and we bet it smells awesome! We hope you get it back really soon, Stan! Maybe you should ask for one of your very own for your birthday?!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

Biggie-Z said...

Wow, pretty cool chew toy - it's bigger than your head!!!

Sure beats bully sticks!

Louis Reginald said...

Wow, Stan, you are a lucky pup. That glove looks mighty tasty. I don't understand why something so good would be kept in a drawer, locked away where no one can really appreciate all the chewy goodness...

Humans are so silly.

Asta said...

He took it away?? WTF as Joey would say..that looks too good fow a mewe hooman
love and smoochie kisses

Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

Spring training starts soon!


Bae Bae said...

Woh.. that leather sure looks fun

~ Bae

Stanley said...

Stan Man!

Sounds like a serious addiction to me. But hey, it's your life.

You know, my catbro, Merv, acts just like that when he's high on Kitty Hooch (the white lightning of catnips)! Too bad there is no video.

Goober love,

Joe Stains said...

My Dad has one of those but it is like a bazillion years old and belonged to my gramps. OTHERWISE, I would totally send it to you!

duo_disaster said...

We love leathers too!
Mum's bag for instance, hiaks!