Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Raw Food Diet, Day 363- Repeating a Grade

So, on Monday night my mom got in my face and was all like, "Stanislaw, you are one Naughty Boy. We need to fix this." And all I could think was, "Haven't I already been fixed? What else is this crazy woman planning to remove?!" I was busy snoozeling in her bed which she always says is a "dog-free zone" - more crazy talk from the food mommy - when I overheard her yack yack yacking on the phone to my grandparents. Turns out, mom didn't much appreciate it when I pulled away from her again during Monday's walk. I gave myself another tour of the Michigan Avenue gardens and tempted Fate with some traffic, before stopping to say a big Hello to this guy's 2 tiny dogs. That dude saw mom screaming with Big Pupi in tow and he jumped me. Whatever dude! I don't even KNOW you! You are NOT the boss of me!

Fortunately this freewheeling tour of my territory was a short one thanks to that very nice guy. (And NO THANKS to all those nasty people who pretended NOT TO NOTICE what was going on when Stan brushed right past your ankles and I was begging you to catch him and screaming that he's friendly!!!) Woah. Chill out mom. I told you she was nutz. Anyway, that dude was so nice he even sat with mom while she dealt with one heck of an asthma attack after sprinting through knee-high snow in the icy air. I don't know what her deal is sometimes.

Anyway, we trudged our way home with mom saying evil words under her wheezing breath and calling me Naughty Boy and stuff. I did NOT get my green bean baby food snack she promised. In fact, she ignored me for the rest of the day and click clicked on her computer and yack yacked to her parents. I was all like WHATEVER! and proceeding to pop and skin Big Pupi's tennis ball.It wasn't until I heard mom call my doctor and ask them for recommendations for places to get me fixed that my fur stood on end and I knew she was serious about this. I took quick stock of body parts and realized that my ears are unusually long and perhaps they're next to go - I've already sacrificed half my tail and my danglies. What more could this nut-job human want from a handsome beast like me?

Big Pupi knocked me upside the head and said, "Duh, dude! You're in for an attitude adjustment! Mom likes us to be Good Boy and you're a royal pain in the bahonkus! You totally cramp my Good Boy style." I was all like WOAH! What? AWESOME! Except that I found out that I'm repeating Basic Obedience. I already passed that one, man! Don't I get to study about being an astronaut or something now? I don't want to revisit that Sit Heel Stay Come stuff again! Totally lame-o. After 6 weeks of that torture scheme, mom will put me into the summer "Front Class" at another school, which is all about recall and major distractions. Just you wait, mom! I've got your major distraction right here.

When does this lunatic give up and let me revel in my beastliness? She keeps saying that Big Pupi was the WORST in his first class (and second) and he'd fight other dogs and go bonkers all over the place... and now look at him. Yeah! I SEE him! He's a total dork! Big Pupi, I see you wouldn't wanna be you!

I'll leave Big Pupi to his halo polishing while I catch a sweet snoozel on the human crate, er, Palace Du Stanislaw. I know where it's at folks, and it ain't gonna be at my Good Boy school a week from Saturday. Oh heck no. Food mommy better be packing up some sweet treats if she wants to see Stanislaw get his Good Boy on. Some seriously sweet treats. Like a whole goat or something.
Peace out my beastly friends,
Stan the Naughty Man

17 comments:

Auntie LuLu said...

Awe Stanny....what a good beastly black cocker boy you are. Running away is the best, it's fun to watch mom chase you. I had to take many obedience classes myself, I passed, she failed--go for that trick and got lots of love and treats by just batting my baby black eyes.
Love your older/wiser cousin Zach

Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

I sometimes think resistance is futile...

Then I remember I'm a SIBERIAN...

I will not be 'tamed'...

Khorrekht?

Good lukhk with 'things'

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

Amber-Mae said...

Stan, I love how your coat is looking! Soooo healthy & glistening! Those raw meaties must be working well...

Butt wiggles,
Solid Gold Dancer

Fenway said...

Why don't you drop over for my Master Class in Bark Screaming?

It's pre-requisite for any level obedience classes. Once you master the technique you will be able to annoy any humans in class and distract any of their lame-o dogs.

And my guarantee is that once you are at the Master Level of Bark Screamers, you will be the center of attention at any gathering.

Asta said...

Stan
I'm giggling so hawd that I can't talk and Mommi is wolling awound on the floow..I guess she's having some sowt of attacks
(btw. you awe sooo handsome ) it should be enuff fow any hooman
smoochie kisses
ASTA

Mason Dixie said...

Ya know, boys will be boys. BOL. you are just doing your thing she should understand. he he. good luck trying to be a "good boy" whatever that is supposed to mean.

Biggie-Z said...

Dude, I think your ears are in danger, since they already took a lot of stuff from your other end! Be careful!

Maybe you should have a talk with Big Pupi and let him know that it's really not so much fun to be a G'Boy all the time, and he's cramping your style! And besides, I think your Mom is overreacting. It's not like you got hit by a car, and you didn't cause any accidents or bite anyone or make any peebles on anyone, right? So really, what's the big deal?

(Tell your Mom that all she needs is a day with me when I'm feeling a little, er, protective, and she will be BEGGING to get you back, naughtiness and all.)

Naughtiness is all relative, my friend.

P.S. Just think about Johnny Depp - when he was in his bad boy days, he was HOT! Now, he's married with 2 kids, and is he EVER in the news? Ever have any pupparazzi pictures taken of him? NO! HE'S BORING! So ask yourself, do you want to be Winona/Kate Johnny Depp, or do you want to be Vanessa Paradis Johnny Depp?

Dughallmor Beagles said...

Hey, Stan the Man, you're such a hoot, we love reading your crazy ramblings! "....like a whole goat or something..." So funny!
Good luck with the Good Boy stuff :o)
Slobbers xx

the 4 Bs said...

hey Stanislaw, we sure hope you don't get your mom another asthma attack. that sounds scary for her and beastly for you! do you slip out of your collar for a free romp, dude? i, Bailey, used to do that until mom got a martingale collar to use for our walks. no more slipping out for me. of course, now i don't even try. hee hee! i showed her.

woofs.

Niamh said...

Stanislaw,

It is fun to be a little naughty but playing in traffic is not cool. You are lucky your mom didn't have a heart attack never mind an asthma attack!

School can be great fun - its good to make new friends. You can train your mom to give you mass quantities of cheese and other goodies. I am sure that you will be the star of the class in no time at all.

Your friend,
Niamh

Bae Bae said...

Oh dear.. you're going to class again. Well I'm sure you'll ace it

~ Bae

Stanley said...

Stanislaw!

Man, I'm with you on being as beastly as you can be, but his post totally got my girl thinking there is hope for me to be a therapy dog some day. She just assumed that Big Pupi had a natural flair for it and was naturally a Good Boy. That major distractions class sounds like just the kind of thing she'd like to put me through.

Oh, bother.

Other than that, you totally cracked us up!

Stay strong, buddy.

Goober love,
Stanley

Mack said...

You gave your mom an asthma atack?
Stani, Paris wouldn't even do that dude!!

Petra said...

Who cares if you're not a good boy when you're such a cute boy, Stanislaw?!

But if you want the treats to continue, maybe you'd better try to harness the energy...

Good luck with school.

Joe Stains said...

uh oh BUSTED back down to basic obedience, you must have been really really bad.

Agatha and Archie said...

oh boy we are really feeling your pain...Love A+A

duo_disaster said...

What?!?! Repeating the lame-o all over again? That must be tough on you Stan!