Friday, February 6, 2009

Raw Food Diet, Day 372- So Sayeth The Turd

So. This new therapy thing is great for Big Pupi and all, but it's caused a seriously stinky chain of events in my life. You see, Pupi goes to work every 2 weeks, and prior to his hospital visit he must be bathed and groomed and made all handsome-like.And every time my bro is in for it, guess who else gets it too... ACK! I HATE it! This last time mom changed the blade drive on her buzzy thing and so she got an extra nice trim on Pupi. She was quite pleased with her attempts at mohawk stylin'
As for me, I fought her like a dog possessed and now my thick, lush, long leg and belly fur looks like I got into a tussle with a weed-wacker. SO NOT beastly! I am NOT pleased. I've been keeping an eye out for the buzzy beard-stealing monster every day now.
This, coupled with my anger about repeating a grade, my brand-spankin'-new harness that's made for houdini dogs, and this bogus hair cut has caused me to act out in ways my mom never thought possible. And if you read my last post and the 10 tidbits about me, you'll know what I'm talking about.

I have a new habit. But first, a little history:

It took my parents AGES to potty train me. When I first adopted my people, my tummy was so mad that I did explosion poobles 5-7 times a day, every day, for about 6 months. I just couldn't control it and they just didn't know what was making me sick. I was de-wormed, de-giardia-ed and de-coccidia-ed over and over again and nothing seemed to fix my volcano poobles. Finally, they made the discovery that Starches + Stanislaw = Projectile Yuck and little by little things normalized and I was on a pooble schedule. Not only that, but since being on the raw diet my poobles are tiny, practically odorless and are so solid they don't leave a mark when picked up. (What... that's more than you wanted to know? But poobles are AWESOME!)

Every so often - rarely, but sometimes - I will do a little pooble in the apartment. It happens! Sure, Big Pupi would NEVER have an accident unless he is terribly ill, but sometimes a nugget just escapes my bum. I'm not sick. I don't ask to go for a weeble walk. It just sneaks up behind me and jumps out. NOT MY FAULT! I get in serious trouble if they catch me in the act, but no amount of correction or re-training seems to help. There's no medical reason for it that they can find. My tum is in tip-top working order and I know to do my Good Boy business outside. WHATEVER! Stanislaw does as Stanislaw wants! Now for the new habit:

If a pooble happens to make the leap indoors, I pick it up and put it on the sofa.

YES. Why? I don't know! WHY NOT? My folks have never seen this happen, but somehow a fresh-baked turd manages to make its way onto the furniture once a week or so. They FLIP. I hear cries of "Thank goodness this sofa has a washable slip cover!" and "Stan needs to start making cheese money to pay for all these washes!" WHATEVER! My poops TELL me to do it! It's not like I have a choice, humans. Don't discriminate against the poo.

Mom thinks I'm doing this for one of 3 reasons:
1. I'm super smart and need more stimulation;
2. I've got a screw loose; or
3. I'm just plain old bored.

I'm thinking that my poobles are probably bored too so I put them someplace comfy for a nap. Mom also has a theory that this recent visit of negative 15-degree windchill weather and afternoons spent indoors is making me go a little batsh*t crazy. Maybe so. Warmer weather, a return to my exercise routine and some obedience class might do the trick. It might not.

It all depends on how studious my poobles are.

I hope they're fast learners. I'm sick of getting into trouble for their actions. This angel-faced feaster is ready to have some Good Boy headed his way. I guess I'm game for class as long as the food mommy keeps that meat coming and that buzzy thing away. Maybe the three of us can work out a deal. School starts tomorrow! There's just so much to do.

Don't obey the turd.
Stanislaw

21 comments:

Samantha ~ Holly and Zac ~ said...

Big Pupi's mohawk is very cute!

Eeeew Stanislaw.. poopies on the couch..BOL, you are funny..hehe :-)

Holly & Zac...XX

FleasGang said...

Stan, we're not sure what to say. That's a lot to digest (no pun intended). We were thinking that wouldn't it be way easier if your mom just took you pooble to class and you could stay home? They seem to be the ones that need training.

Anyway, have fun in school with all the younger pups ;-)

Shelly & Tommy

P.S. Pupi, your fur-cut does look marvelous!

Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

So furry nice to see such handsome faces on my 'puter!

My furiend Koobus might need your help
http://koobuss.blogspot.com/2009/02/help.html

I pawed a khomment about woo being rawwwwwww eaters!

Happy Weekend!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

Fenway said...

We think you're simply trying to tuck the turds into the cushiony sofa to get them out of the way.

Your mom should recognize that you are truly chagrined and simply doing a little housework on her behalf: if you hide them, they disappear!

The beauty of this system is that you are preventing your people from stepping in your turdnesses.

Niamh said...

It seems that your poops have a mind of their own! I've never known mine to do anything but lie on the ground until my person picks them up.

I agree with you that the whole grooming thing is torture. While Big Pupi looks quite handsome, I'm with you Stan. The less grooming the better.

Your friend,
Niamh

Dughallmor Beagles said...

Haha, the turd is like your little imaginary friend, telling you to do bad stuff, like Drop Dead Fred (our hero BTW!)
Maybe you started doing it cos you were getting told off for doing it on the floor and by putting it on the sofa you are being considerate so your folks don't step on it.....see, you ARE a Good Boy!!
Slobbers xx

MollyDoppins said...

Very Cute Photo's !!

the 4 Bs said...

hey Stanislaw, you two look GOOD after your grooming. we think Big Pupi's mohawk is divine and you look handsome.

now this story about the pooble is baffling us. sometimes we do the same thing, except for the couch part. it's very very rare, but our mom thinks we are farting and a little pooble comes out too. Brody is full of fartables and he also has the little hard pooble turds like you described. could that be what's going on with you? well, you don't have to tell if you don't want to. Brody doesn't tell either, but mom just knows. she claims that she's smart. we won't comment on that.

our mom thinks you kiddos eat really healthy. we think it looks so yummylicious. she is going to read up on this BARF stuff and look into it for us. she won't make any promises, but we like the sound of it anyway. we would really like to taste some of this wonderful foodables that you always talk about.

woofs!

Louis Reginald said...

My man, Stan,

You and I have so much in common. I too battle my bum. I too, cannot stomach starches without experiencing smellies from within which cover my kennel. And since raw feasting, I too have nice hard pooble nuggets.

But most incredible, my nuggets randomly eject from my bum in the kennel. Usually where female human can step on them. Heh heh.

I don't plan it. Its a conspiracy between bum and nugget. It is not an issue of training as I know where to do my good boy, but sometimes, the conspirators win and the nuggets come out.

I don't take mine for nappies on my couch, though...

Hmmm. Maybe I'll try it.

Your pal,
Louis

Mason Dixie said...

The mo-hawk rocks. and poo on the couch, my mom would flip out. =)

Maggie and Mitch said...

It's rare that we ever have an accident in the house but who would have thought to put a turd up on the sofa! This is brilliant, Stan!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

tnbullterrors said...

Stan, Stan, Stan, you need to make sure yer DawgMom knows yer only trying to help by cleaning up after yerself, I mean, really, yer not tall enough to reach that trashy thingy they throw stuff in, so where else are ya gonna put it? I know our DawgMom goes on and on and on about how good the raw diet turds are, not stinky at all, well not unless they're Jack Mackrel turds. Now those......eeewwww, they even burn our noses sometimes.
Sorry we can't help you with yer buzzy thingy problems, we don't have to use that thingy thank goodness.

Lorenza said...

Hi, Stan!
Big Pupi mohawk is pawesome!
That thing of taking the turd to the sofa made me laugh a lot!
I am not smart enough to do that!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Stanley said...

Stanny, Stan, Stan!

You, my catbro Merv, and my sissy Stella should have a turd conference to confer on why this phenomenon is occurring, not only in chi-town but also in GooberStan. Stella is at the mercy of her poobles too. Usually she does them outside (my girl can tell when she just gets that look, ya know?), but sometimes they just slip on out without her knowing it.

Merv is the one who likes to take care of his own product placement. It's usually on a bed or a chair or sometimes the couch. That doesn't happen often either, but when it does it causes a bit of a stir here.

Hope the class goes well and helps take the edge off, man!

Tell Pupi we love his mohawk, and I'm thinking you don't look too shabby yourself buddy.

Goober love,
Stanley

Mack said...

Poobles on the couch? That is such a great idea!

Amber-Mae said...

Big Pupi looks really good & so do you Stan eventhough you're not all that satisfied about it...

Boogie Woogie,
Solid Gold Dancer

Joe Stains said...

I think this is absolutely FABULOUS! Seriously, I don't even know how to comment it is so masterful.

Eric said...

Haaaa!!! I was on the floor reading that, you are tooo funny Stan. Now I hope you fluff up the cushions on the sofa for your pooble? And give the seat a little brush too in case of crumbs. You do? That's good. I'm sure he appreciates it.Maybe take him to the class too. I mean he doesn't want to end a couch potato does he???

Wiry wags, Eric xx

Kelly said...

I just discovered this blog and I love it!!!! Congrats on Raw feeding for over a year now!!

Life With Dogs said...

I'm thinking Stanislaw read my article on $1 dog training and is trying to avoid the same fate :)

Sorry about those couch gifts!

duo_disaster said...

Stan!

Could you get your M again!
Yeah, mine's a pain in the ass but she'll like to interview her if she did the back shave by herself too? It was a GREAT job!


Yeah, M is thinking of giving me a proper cocker cut, like BP's. I have been getting far to many names for my comb-over trying to be mohawk! Like BROCOLLI-head too! How not manly is this? You should really check out my blog.

So, M would like to find out more before she jumps into buying one (she had been thinking for ages but there are just too many to choose from) plus, you're cockers too, so you'll be able to tell her what inch blade would fit better

Thanks GOOD BOYS!