Raw Food Diet, Day 394- Busy Beasts and Feasting Stuff

Heya folks! I've been keeping my beastly self busy lately and have a bunch of stuff to update you on. First is my Saturday "Make Stanislaw a Good Boy" Class. I did great! My teacher even used me as the example dog and pulled me in to the middle of the classroom to show my Down Stay. I was super on-point that day because mom brought some cut up string cheese and I LOVE CHEESE!!! Even the teacher said, "Boy, he really likes cheese." DUH! Cheese is the BEST! I was really focused and even responded to the command Quiet when I started whining (Quiet is a new one for me).

Everything was going smoothly until a large puppy got off his leash and came sprinting across the room towards me. I don't get along with this guy since he plays too rough and has about zero doggy manners. We got into a little brawl and it took 3 people to separate us. He's one dude I DO NOT give play bows to. Neither of us were injured and I got over the incident in about 0.3 seconds and was on the lookout for cheesiness again, but I gave him warning growls any time he got too close or too focused on me. Not cool, man! His owner needs to learn to keep distance between us.

Later in the week, we had another slight sizzle incident when mom was cooking in a pan. I ran into the office to hide but this time my folks were on the lookout for my spookiness and scaredy-cat-ness. They came jumping towards my hiding spot squeaking toys and patting my bum... and you know this beast can't resist a party! I was out of there in no time thrashing the stuffy with all my might and doing growly, smack-down play bows to Big Pupi. I totally forgot about the sizzle monster and followed them back to the kitchen to make sure they didn't want me to do any taste tests. Dad said I was Good Boy but I didn't get to eat the feast so I don't really believe him.

Since the weather is getting warmer (read: 36 degrees) we've been working on our marathon training and getting our mileage back up so we're in shape for our summer morning 4 mile fast hunts. Right now Pupi and I can do 2.5 miles pretty well, but we've got to keep working hard so we can race like beasts again. Running is just about our FAVORITE thing in the world to do! Heck, I might even leave a bowl of goat meatiness behind if I see my running leash! (Maybe...) We headed out on Tuesday for a good solid run and it turned out to be more of a mud sprint since all the snow is melting and the city is becoming a gooey mess. I've never felt like such a beast before! I was dripping from ears to dewclaws with mud and city yuck. Check out Big Pupi's once white legs:
Beastly! And the work we did to the bathroom floor:I was all like, "This is AWESOME!" until I heard something coming from the far end of the bathroom...
Noooooo!!! I watched my Eu Du Manliness swirl down the drain.
At the very least, in keeping with our usual post-run tradition, Big Pupi and I got a big protein snack. This time it was beef, yogurt and some apple sauce. Then, mom reached into a bag from the Place of Toys and Feasts and came out with a little pack of this:
I was all like WOAH!!! I've never had the kangaroo meat before! Somehow Big Pupi managed to charm the nice store man out of little pack of the dehydrated meatiness and he tossed it into our bag as a free sample. Delicious! The strips looked like thick pieces of jerky and they tasted like magic dancing on my tongue. Post-fast hunt feasts are the BEST! All that protein goes straight to my manly muscles.

The following day, because it's too hard on our bodies to run hard every day until we're in tip-top shape, mom took me on an obedience walk to the bark park. I was about 70% Good Boy on the way there. We had the park all to ourselves so it was all about doing Good Boy tricks and that's when I realized that mom had PORKY MEATINESS in her pocket!! She found a whole container of pancetta at the grocery store for $1 and boy-oh-boy is that motivation!! That was like the holy grail of treat feasts for me. I did Down Stays at the park like a pro, and did Good Boy Come every single time. On our walk home we kept doing exercises that mom called "escaped Stanislaw prevention" and kept letting me get ahead of her on the leash then calling me to Come! back to her. For pancetta? YOU BET!

I was walking like such a Good Boy until a bunch of skateboarding male humans came out of nowhere and started doing tricks and smashing about. I was SO SCARED I thought I was going to weeble on myself. This is NOT what an anxiety-ridden dog needs. One of the skateboards got away from its human, and mom asked if I could sniff it since it scared me. Very tentatively I approached the noisy moving thing, jolted back and forth a bit, but got close enough to touch it. The boy human pet me and I got so excited that I jumped onto the skateboard and it flew out from under me and scared me again. How was I to know that those things are naughty beasts that like to run away?

I was a little jostled on the way home but we made it okay. It took me a block or two to calm down and focus again, but I did well. I used to get so shaken by these types of things that I wouldn't be able to calm down until I was home for a while. So I guess that's another step in the right direction!

That's all typing I have time for now. Nappies are calling my name. Dewclaws are crossed we get to run later today. I need to get manly and filthy again!

Happy feasting fellow beasties.
Stanislaw

***
Health note from Big Pupi:
Pancetta is a very fatty meat and we do not recommend it as a treat for everyone - especially if you have weight problems or are prone to pancreatitis. Stanislaw and I are very lean and very active boys so the extra fat and calories don't hurt us... as long as it is in moderation. Fatty meats and cheeses are the ultimate treat for us and we get very tiny crumbles only when we must perform in very distracting situations. Otherwise, when our job to be Good Boy is a little easier, we stick to the healthy stuff like flakes of dehydrated lean meats.

That being said, sliced light string cheese makes for the ultimate training treat! If we're learning new tricks at home (as we are now) that makes for a delicious high protein, low fat snack and we go nutty for it! Mmmmm!

**an important note**

I've got an important tidbit to add, which I have to thank my buddy Frisbee Fenway for~

We tend to write big on this blog. We speak of feasts like they are banquets but in reality everything we eat is portioned out and kept in check. Sure, we get treats and we dine on rich meats like lamb and pork on occasion, but it's all balanced with good lean beef and turkey and lots of exercise. We tend to exaggerate the extent of our feasting because to us any meal of raw meatiness is AMAZING and worthy of MUCH recognition. But, in truth an hour's worth of training only earns us each a 1/2 to 2/3 of a piece of string cheese because it's chopped into such tiny bits. But it doesn't stop us from working our bums off for it!

So feast hard folks. Feast healthy and take the rich stuff in moderation. We want you all around for a long, long time.

Raw Food Diet, Day 387 - A Profile in Feasting: Mariusz Pudzianowski

It's time for another edition of Profiles in Feasting - stories of great feasters I idolize.

For those of you who don't know who the human Mariusz Pudzianowski is, you better learn quick or he'll squash your face. Mariusz is the world's strongest man. He enjoys feasting, lifting cars, bench pressing other humans, and feasting. Mariusz and I happen to have a few things in common. For starters, we're both Polish so we love pierogies. Small animals fear us equally. And, most of all, our feasting habits help us to grow. Everywhere I go these days, people are like, "My, Stanley, you are a beast of massive proportions." That's because this raw feeding has helped my food go into my muscles, just like how Mariusz Pudzianowski eats a sausage and it pops up directly into his bicep.

Admire how big and long and beastly I've grown.

One day, I hope to be able to pull a train with my teeth just like my idol Mariusz. I will be king of the dog park! Here's a quote from Mariusz on what he eats everyday:

“My energy comes from my diet. Breakfast is 10 eggs and 2-3 pounds of bacon. Between meals, I eat lots of candy…I need it for energy. Lunch, at 1 or 2 p.m., is a double meal of a Polish pork chop, sauerkraut and potatoes.

An hour later, I work out, then take lots of supplements: magnesium, creatine, amino acids, all that stuff, and more chocolate.

Dinner is whatever meat I can get: steaks, pork chops, bacon, plus more sauerkraut and potatoes. [After I work out] I have a protein shake and more chocolate.”

That is one serious feaster. Aside for the chocolate, I'd like to arrange my feasting schedule and feasting materials to be exactly like his. What do you think, mom and dad?

Thanks Mariusz, you are an inspiration to us all.

The Therapist Is In: Visits 3, 4 & 5

Whazzup guys?! Check out my new bling!Pretty sweet, huh? Last night I was officially certified as a therapy dog. All 3 of my working observations were completed, forms sent in, reviews and evaluations done, tests passed and I'm in!
I got a form that was a summary of my 3 working observation evaluations (filled out by the chair person of 3 different programs, after I attended each of their visits and they watched me work my magic). I GOT PERFECT SCORES!My folks are hanging this one on the human meat locker. I'm feeling pretty good. Can't wait to show this new license off at the bark park this week.

In other therapy news, I've been on 3 more visits and have been rather delinquent in blogging about them. The first skipped visit was at the children's hospital and it was a rather uneventful one for us. My friend recovering from brain surgery wasn't there, and there were very few kids to play with us. Mom and I got there super early that day and an entire office full of adult humans emptied into the hallway to play with me, which was super crazy awesome. I did combat crawls on my belly, rolled over for tummy scratches, and skipped from one person to the next for some lovin'. I was SO EXCITED with all those folks circled around and me in the middle - the center of attention and the only one getting pets that I just about passed out right there from exhaustion. Still, once my therapy buddies arrived we all went upstairs and worked our little bums off. However, by the end of the visit I was passed out cold in a chair next to an extraordinarily gentle little girl who stroked me from schnozzle to tail while I snoozeled. AWESOME! Mom had to keep a hand on me because I was so sound asleep that I began slipping through an arm hole. I totally didn't care! Man. I was tired that day.

The next trip was to a school with classes for learning disabled children. Their abilities ranged from almost fully capable of any task, to unable to walk or coordinate movements. I met up with a springer spaniel and his mom. I looked like the springer's puppy roaming the hallways. Boy did we get attention! We were like bookends! He was a cool black and white dude and about twice the size of me. Together we visited 2 different classrooms and performed our tricks and entertained the kids, then we worked on life skills with them and had them each participate one by one. It was a good program, but some of the kids are a little too rough for a wee beast such as myself. It's not the kids' fault by any means... that program is just better suited to a larger dog. Plus, the kids would come running from the back of the room and try to pick me up since I'm all small and I kinda look like a stuffed toy. I always gave mom the "Save Me!" eyes if I was uncomfortable or if a kid was being too rough with me and we'd move on. Whew! I was a crazy Good Boy though and tolerated everything. It was a great to learn about a school program, but I don't think I'll be signing up for that one full time. I might be a beast but I'm a sensitive boy.

Yesterday, mom and I went back to the hospital. We're full-time in that program, and it's just perfect for me. Once again we got there early and that office full of humans came out to give me my welcome parade of pets and tummy rubs. Sweetness!! When my buddies arrived we went upstairs to the play room. That's when mom started to warm me up and get me to focus on my job, and I discovered after a few routines that...

SHE BROUGHT STRING CHEESE SLICES!!!!!!

Awesome! Talk about motivation! I'll do back flips for cheese! The only problem was that I was a little too crazed about feasting on cheese that I was non-stop performing tricks and running through my repertoire. I kept doing Sit, Down, Up-Up (jump on a chair), Watch Me and Hulas over and over and over. It was exhausting! However, it didn't take long for me to realize that if I was doing tricks without being asked, that I only got cheesy treats when doing Down Stay. So... I did a lot of Down Stay that afternoon. Sometimes mom called it "Settle." Whatever. I call it "The Means To Cheesy Snacks."

Anyway, we had just a few visitors this time as most of the kids in the hospital weren't able to get clearance to play with us pups. Boo! There was one extremely sweet boy in a wheel chair who just LOVED seeing us dogs and missed his pup terribly. I spent a lot of time sitting in a chair next to him while he massaged my mohawk and told me over and over how cute I am. That's the life! Afterward a little girl was brought in - about 3 years old - and she sat on a nurse's lap on the floor. She was a little scared of dogs so I did Down Stay next to her and acted all calm until she felt brave enough to pet me. Boy oh boy did she surprise us all! With strength that no tiny human should ever have, she snagged my ear and began to make origami out of it. Ouch! It only took a second before my lobe was freed and I decided to teach her a lesson and stood up to lick her face. HA! She squealed and thrashed with laughter. Seriously dudes. I know how to work the humans.

I had all but given up on seeing my friend who had the brain surgery, when she was wheeled into the room. I zoomed over and plopped myself in a chair in her line of vision. She looked GREAT! She was able to stay awake the whole time, and on her own she was able to cup her hand so mom could give her a bit of cheese, then reach out and feed it to me. Yes, cheesy chunks hit the ground a few times but WOW! Talk about big news. She was even able to stroke my ear and chest fur with the back of her hand without any help. A whole month has gone by since I've seen her last, and I am so impressed to see such improvement. I can't wait to see her next time.

So that's it folks. I'm one happy boy. And a tired boy. There's nothing better than a belly full of cheesiness and a few mohawk pets. Mom is looking into another program for me so I can work once a week, instead of twice a month. My toes are crossed that there's a match. I need to do this more often!
'Til next time feaster dudes!
Big Pupi

Raw Food Diet, Day 384- A Constant Battle

***
Big Pupi takes it over today:
Oh my feasting dudes. Stan and I went to camp this weekend because our humans were in a place called Rhode Island doing something called Wedding Planning. Boring! I'd WAAAY rather be partying like a beast at camp! But when Stanislaw and I got home we were crazy tired, and we spent the next day or two like this:
Whew! Plus, on the day that we're picked up from camp Stan and I go to the groomer to be bathed and brushed, which means that we have to miss daily nappies time. I was so exhausted and desperate for a bed, I wound up passing out in mom's suitcase:
And mom wasn't able to unpack until I woke up. (Let sleeping dogs lie and all that.) Stan likewise was limp as a noodle with the need for sleepies, and in a manor usually unlike him, he napped with his belly exposed to the world.
Sure, the groin is often exposed, but it is only when Stan is completely over the top tired that the belly will go without protection unless he's safe within his crate.
In fact, it took Stan over a year with our people before he would ask or allow belly rubs, let alone nap with the sensitive parts for all the world to see.

Stan has been making some major strides lately with regard to the fight with his demons. But with every step forward there seems to be two steps back. Last night, and for the very first time ever, he had the worst fear reaction we have ever seen in our home. Mom was cooking dinner for the humans (and baking meaty muffins for us canines) when the feasts made a really loud sizzle sound. Stan has always been fearful of the oven but those reactions have lessened to the point that he'll remain in the area as long as food is around. But the very moment the sizzle sound happened, he ran into a dark room and hid for a few minutes, then came bursting from that room and onto mom's lap on the sofa. He was shaking so violently that mom could barely hold onto him and she laid him on his side thinking he was having a seizure. His convulsions continued but he was aware of his surroundings, which would indicate that it was not actually a seizure. He tried to climb into her lap but was shaking too violently to coordinate his movements. Mom snatched him up and hugged his body and grasped his limbs in so tightly that she thought he wouldn't be able to breath, but within moments his shivering stopped and he calmed down.

My poor brother. For almost an hour afterward he couldn't stand to be out of mom's lap (dad wasn't home because of his night school, but we're almost certain dad would have been more of a comfort as he is the favorite). Mom held Stan on her hip like a person would a child and walked him towards the stove where the meaty muffins were cooling. He began convulsing again, but mom held on super tight and fed him tasty niblets of warm meatiness and his bite grew gentler and the shaking lessened. He fought to be put on the floor and he was let down, but he stayed within 4 feet of the oven and continued to gently take treats and acted happy but concerned. He panted heavily but was otherwise recovering.

Once the muffins were packed and the pans cleaned, Stanislaw was pretty much back to normal. He placed himself on his favorite cool spot on the floor and napped - no belly or groin exposed this time. But there was no shaking and his breathing was relaxed. When mom moved into the office he followed but acted normally, and did nappies a few feet away either stretched out all long and beastly or pressed against the cool meat locker. He seemed alert, tired, and just fine.
So that poor boy (who is normally my stinky brother) seems to have beaten his demons for now. Whatever that sizzle noise was it is gone and so is our shock from witnessing such an event. Perhaps the stress of the kennel and the car ride, which Stan HATES, just put him over the edge. Mom will give him another day's rest before attempting any outdoor activities again.

And there will not be any sizzle sounds for a long, long time if she can help it. No more sizzle sounds at all!

We shall fight the demons as long as it takes,
Big Pupi

Raw Food Diet, Day 378- My Heart Is Full

Yesterday I was all relaxed and chillin' in my apartment, mentally preparing for a rainy day and all the Naughty Boy-ness I could get myself into, when my human came into the room with a box just for me. I got a whiff of the perfect little cube and my heart began to flutter.

Tape was sliced and bubble wrap removed, and to my absolute joy this made its way from that sweet-smelling package:Now, if I'm ever to share a turkey neck it'll be for this lady. That is the face of the finest beast around and I hear angles sing when I look at this photo. I never knew I could have it so badly for a blond.

Mom made a video of me checking out my wonderful Valentine's Day present from the lovely Paris Rain. Mom's talking all goofy which normally gets me a little excitable, but I'm telling you that this photo just about put me over the edge.

In the video you'll notice the many stages of love: I act shy and coy at first, but that's just flirting. Then I get territorial and I won't allow my stinky brother to get near my gal. After, it's all beastly grunting as I tell her of my love. Finally, I try to make out with the photo and give it some serious tongue action. How embarrassing mom caught that part on camera.

I am one seriously happy dude.

Paris is the meat in my bowl, the marrow in my bison bone and cheesiness in my string cheese. Boy do I think she is swell.

Happy (early) Valentine's Day everyone. May you all be as lucky in love.
Stanislaw

***
A little update and note by Stanislaw:

Guess what feasterinis! My mom took me and only me for a nice walk this morning to the bark park. I was a sort-of Good Boy on the way there. Then at the park I played and looked for bunnies, yelled at this husky for trying to mount me continually, and chased some dogs and stuff. Then, on the walk home I heeled the ENTIRE WAY on a loose leash and NEVER ONCE went into any obsessive behaviors, and on top of it all I didn't make a peep! No constant whining, no screaming or barking or anything!!! Instead, I Sat Like Good Boy at all the red lights, did some Watch Me and accepted treats from my mom. Normally I'm too crazed to eat or focus on any task. But today, I kept making eye contact on my own WHILE HEELING and every time I did it I got tons of delicious feastables! Also, every so often mom would let me get a little ahead of her and then tell me to Stanley Come! and I would flip around and skip right back to her. This Good Boy-ness continued for the entire mile walk home. Did I mention that I was heeling on the right AND left sides?

I am one heck of a Good Boy! In fact, this was by far the very best walk I've ever had - a major breakthrough for me. I may finally be getting the upper paw on this anxiety thing after all. My folks are crazy proud of me today.

I think I like this Good Boy stuff.

Raw Food Diet, Day 377- The Magical Mystery Meat Locker

Dudes. Seriously. The MOST AMAZING thing happened the other day.

Mom was planning to make a trip to the meat packer for some tasty RMBs (raw meaty bones), muscle meat and organs when she opted to organize our meat locker first. She thought we were running out of protein options, and my folks like to make sure Big Pupi and I have a decent variety of meatiness so that they can alternate our protein source. This helps to ensure that we are exposed to lots of nutrients and amino acid profiles, and it also helps to prevent allergies from developing in two very allergy-prone boys. Anyway, seeing a lack of meaty bones mom thought it was time to stock up. Personally, I like to make sure that my meat locker is pulling its weight, and that it's filled to the brim with feasts-in-waiting.
Food mommy yanked out a number of large bags filled with ground whole goat and mutton, and a couple bags of Nature's Variety beef medallions. There didn't seem to be any RMB meals left, and we get these every few days to make sure our teethers stay nice and white. It was a sad moment until... to my wonder and surprise... from the very very frozen bottom of that wonderful locker of meat... there appeared 6 lbs of turkey necks and 4 lbs of chicken necks. It was a miracle!!!Necks galore! I was in bird neck heaven! I could barely contain my excitement.

In order to make full, balanced meals, 10 pounds of RMBs require 10 lbs of muscle meat and 2 lbs of organs. Mom went onto her clicky internet machine and printed out some meaty coupons and came back from the feasting store with the necessary rations. Then it was time to pack them up! Seeing as though those turkey necks were about a pound a piece and more suited for a beast like my raw feasting friend Biggie-Z, mom had to cleaver the heck out of them and break them into 5 oz and 4 oz servings for Big Pupi and me. These were packaged up with pork and beef meat and chicken livers for a full day's feast and plopped in my meat locker for a good deep freeze.For breakfast the next day I found a delicious turkey neck in my bowl! It was SOOO awesome. I have NO IDEA how my freezer managed to produce meatiness so juicy.A breakfast feast complete with a turkey neck, yogurt, green blend, fish oil capsule, vitamin E capsule, digestive enzymes and a multi-B vitamin (which we get sporadically)

For a super strong-jawed boy like me, turkey necks make for great chewing. Plus, because they are a smaller sized, non-weight bearing bone they make for a good feast for my weaker jawed brother. While chicken necks do us good for their nutritional value, I give them one chomp and it's down the hatch. These turkey necks really make me work and I LOVE IT when I have to hunker down and really focus on eating a meal. YUM! It took me almost 15 minutes to work this breakfast through. I've learned to be a good chewer thanks to these birdy feasts.

I guess the tasty lesson for today is to never underestimate the power of a meat locker. Deep within their bowels lies a treasure trove of delicious secrets, just waiting for your mouth. My meat locker is a magical locker indeed and I respect it dearly. I suggest you do the same.

In that regard, and in honor of the day that my meat locker magically produced 10 lbs of deeply frozen bird necks out of thin air, I declare that day (February 8) Meat Locker Day. On this date we must honor the locker. Clean it. Feast on its contents. Tell it how much you enjoy its hard work. For if it weren't for the beloved meat locker we'd all be just a little bit hungrier.

Here's to you, meat locker. Keeping the feasts fresh.

Happy belated Meat Locker Day, folks.
Stanislaw

Raw Food Diet, Day 374- Sir Stanislaw Esq, PhD

Holy feasting fellow bloggerinis! It was almost 60 degrees yesterday in The Land of 1,000 Winters. I was SO PUMPED I didn't have to go outside dressed like a total nerd in my sweatshirt, jacket and boots. It felt SO GOOD to feel the wind blow through my beastly fur and past my manly parts. I felt like such a DOG!

Well... kind of. You should know by now that things are never that easy when my food mommy is around. That crazy human is always cooking up something. When we were getting ready to head off to the puke mobile and to my first day of school, she pulled out a harness unlike any other harness I have ever seen. It had buckles and ropes and pads that reached into and around places I didn't even know I had! Mom said that I needed this because regular harnesses don't fit me properly thanks to my super long body, crazy narrow rib cage, skinny middle and shocking flexibility. I'm not called Stanislaw Gumby for nothing! Her biggest fear is that I squiggle out of my harness and run away... and we all know how much I like to run like a free man. My dweebus bro got one too for when we go hiking. I guess all those straps and the handle is good for something. I tuned mom out pretty quickly so I can't tell you why.

I guess Big Pupi got the same size harness as me so we had to have our names written on the insides of them. I was all like WHAT?! This itty bitty nerd bomb wears the same size as ME, The King of All Beasts?! But he's just a peanut of a dog! Please see my illustration below. You may need a magnifying glass or at the very least a strong pair of glasses in order to see my brother:
Whatever. He can have his harness. I had school to attend and he was not invited!

I whined and drooled the whole way in the puke-mobile despite my anti-car vomit meds but managed to make it to my destination without seeing breakfast for the second time. Class took place at a doggy adoption center and most of the folks in my class had just found their new homes in the past week or so. Awesome! There were some seriously cool canines but I wasn't allowed to play. That totally blew my mind. My folks are ALWAYS telling me to make nice introductions and be a social butterfly. And now mom is saying NO? What gives? Ugh... people... isn't consistency important when training a manly beast such as myself?

I spent the first 1/4 of class making eyes at my fellow pups with my bum in the air and my tail wagging like a flag in a hurricane. I was met with many a happy play bow but our people kept making us stop and do Watch Me and Sit Like Good Boy. Man! It was SOOO LAME! Class finally got started we worked on our Watch Me, Lie Down and Sit. It was easy peasy. I totally know all that stuff! Once I got the gist of class I performed really well and was very focused and enthusiastic. Mom said that Mr. Golden Retriever was better than me, but I was most definitely #2 in the class. Woohoo! I am the smartest guy alive!

I was fed treats like crazy and I had such a good time. While this class is mostly going to be a review for me, my folks are hoping that the new situation and distractions will help build my confidence and little by little my anxiety will release its hold on me. I've already made huge strides. Only twice and very very slightly did I go into my OCD behaviors during class! Last time I was in basic obedience I spent much of it fixated, staring and whining. This is a major improvement. There may be hope for me yet.

When I got back from class all these yawns were escaping from my face and all I could do was snoozel on the back of the sofa.
I didn't even care when Big Pupi got to go for the longest walk ever and came home smelling like all sorts of different pups. All I wanted was a mutton meat dinner and my spot on the couch. I guess class isn't so bad! Actually... to tell you the truth I really liked it. Heck, I'll even put up with that ridiculous harness for it. Looks like I might be a Good Boy yet.

Food for thought: If you be Have, you get treats.
Is it worth it?

Stanislaw

Raw Food Diet, Day 372- So Sayeth The Turd

So. This new therapy thing is great for Big Pupi and all, but it's caused a seriously stinky chain of events in my life. You see, Pupi goes to work every 2 weeks, and prior to his hospital visit he must be bathed and groomed and made all handsome-like.And every time my bro is in for it, guess who else gets it too... ACK! I HATE it! This last time mom changed the blade drive on her buzzy thing and so she got an extra nice trim on Pupi. She was quite pleased with her attempts at mohawk stylin'
As for me, I fought her like a dog possessed and now my thick, lush, long leg and belly fur looks like I got into a tussle with a weed-wacker. SO NOT beastly! I am NOT pleased. I've been keeping an eye out for the buzzy beard-stealing monster every day now.
This, coupled with my anger about repeating a grade, my brand-spankin'-new harness that's made for houdini dogs, and this bogus hair cut has caused me to act out in ways my mom never thought possible. And if you read my last post and the 10 tidbits about me, you'll know what I'm talking about.

I have a new habit. But first, a little history:

It took my parents AGES to potty train me. When I first adopted my people, my tummy was so mad that I did explosion poobles 5-7 times a day, every day, for about 6 months. I just couldn't control it and they just didn't know what was making me sick. I was de-wormed, de-giardia-ed and de-coccidia-ed over and over again and nothing seemed to fix my volcano poobles. Finally, they made the discovery that Starches + Stanislaw = Projectile Yuck and little by little things normalized and I was on a pooble schedule. Not only that, but since being on the raw diet my poobles are tiny, practically odorless and are so solid they don't leave a mark when picked up. (What... that's more than you wanted to know? But poobles are AWESOME!)

Every so often - rarely, but sometimes - I will do a little pooble in the apartment. It happens! Sure, Big Pupi would NEVER have an accident unless he is terribly ill, but sometimes a nugget just escapes my bum. I'm not sick. I don't ask to go for a weeble walk. It just sneaks up behind me and jumps out. NOT MY FAULT! I get in serious trouble if they catch me in the act, but no amount of correction or re-training seems to help. There's no medical reason for it that they can find. My tum is in tip-top working order and I know to do my Good Boy business outside. WHATEVER! Stanislaw does as Stanislaw wants! Now for the new habit:

If a pooble happens to make the leap indoors, I pick it up and put it on the sofa.

YES. Why? I don't know! WHY NOT? My folks have never seen this happen, but somehow a fresh-baked turd manages to make its way onto the furniture once a week or so. They FLIP. I hear cries of "Thank goodness this sofa has a washable slip cover!" and "Stan needs to start making cheese money to pay for all these washes!" WHATEVER! My poops TELL me to do it! It's not like I have a choice, humans. Don't discriminate against the poo.

Mom thinks I'm doing this for one of 3 reasons:
1. I'm super smart and need more stimulation;
2. I've got a screw loose; or
3. I'm just plain old bored.

I'm thinking that my poobles are probably bored too so I put them someplace comfy for a nap. Mom also has a theory that this recent visit of negative 15-degree windchill weather and afternoons spent indoors is making me go a little batsh*t crazy. Maybe so. Warmer weather, a return to my exercise routine and some obedience class might do the trick. It might not.

It all depends on how studious my poobles are.

I hope they're fast learners. I'm sick of getting into trouble for their actions. This angel-faced feaster is ready to have some Good Boy headed his way. I guess I'm game for class as long as the food mommy keeps that meat coming and that buzzy thing away. Maybe the three of us can work out a deal. School starts tomorrow! There's just so much to do.

Don't obey the turd.
Stanislaw

Raw Food Diet, Day 370- Three Little Piggies

The Old Man (computer) is up and running again, thanks to Mr. Genius at the fruit store. Looks like the typing machine has avoided that big apple tree in the sky! Mom would have been so sad. This computer has never had issues and that was its first trip to the vet in almost 4 years. And it was a silly problem with the printer program! Ha! Thanks for all of your well-wishes. They worked! But now I must go on to more important things...

Like meat.

Mom was at the feasting store and was checking out the beast-feasting section for sales when she found a massive pork shoulder for $1 per pound! She snatched it right up and brought it home for the canines' feasting delight.It was over 4 pounds of meatiness, and almost all of it was pure piggy delicious feasting material - almost no bone.
In the mood to mix stuff up a bit, mom decided to cook this meat and turn it into meaty muffins that are easy to portion out. Because it is so important to balance calcium and phosphorous ratios in our meals, and since cooked bone is a seriously dangerous thing, mom added some bone meal powder to the mix - about 900mg calcium per pound of meat. (Phosphorous is found in the animal tissue, calcium is obviously from bone.)
She added plain yogurt, some pureed veggies, one egg (we have to go easy on the eggs or else our tummies get angry), a tiny touch of garlic and a bit of pureed chicken liver to the mix. It smelled SO GOOD!
I got a raw taste test. It made my tongue do cartwheels! My eyes tried to jump onto the spoon!
Big Pupi also lost control of his feasting device and it licked every inch of that mixing spoon to a nice spit polish.
After the feastables got our stamp of approval, they were spooned into 4oz servings and baked up. Our mixture didn't stick together very well because of the lack of starches, but we totally didn't care. If your human likes to feed you grains, then some overcooked brown rice or some oatmeal would be a nice binder to mix in along with more eggs - just decrease the amount of veggies in that case or else you'll be in fiber overload. Alternately, increase the amount of veggies if you go grain-free since you want to keep things moving!
Big Pupi stared at the oven counting down the seconds and breathing deeply as the toasty pig smells made their way from the vents. He didn't budge for over 20 minutes. I don't think he blinked either, lest some cabinet monster suddenly appear and nab his baking niblets. He wasn't about to let this one get by his feasting hole.
Mom set out our servings and let the mixture cool while she packaged the rest up and made a few more batches of mini meaty muffin meals.
Awwww man. The smells were intoxicating! Pupi and I whined and moaned and looked longingly at our bowls on the counter and mom was not giving us the feast! Arg! Doesn't she know that I DON'T CARE if I burn my tongue off trying to eat? It will grow back!

Dinner was still nice and warm when we FINALLY got to chow down and it just tasted SO GOOD. That mondo pork shoulder fed us for days. My belly was so happy.
But it's gone now and I miss it. I hope it enjoyed its brief stay in my tum.

So that ends the tale of the three little pigs - the pork shoulder, Big Pupi and me!

Happy feasting,
Stanislaw

For more information and recipes about a homemade cooked diet, please view the newsletters at B-Naturals.com or click this link.

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We got this awesome Honest Weblog award from our fellow feasters Maggie and Mitch. They think our blog is brilliant! Thank you so so much. We are crazy excited.

The rules:"When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it, including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to said person so everyone knows he or she is real.

Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have 7 friends. Show the 7 random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Weblog.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. List at least ten honest things about yourself. Then, pass it on! "

So, I guess after all these posts about bum explosions, air biscuits, projectile vomiting and everything else that goes in to and comes out of our little bodies warrants an award about honesty. Sure! The original intention of this blog was to chronicle our experiences dealing with our many food allergies and health issues as they happened in the moment, as apposed to a rose-colored, hindsight point of view. So we've got it all - the good, the bad, and the ugly... otherwise known as my stinky brother.

Let's start off with the 10 things about us:

1. If you offer Big Pupi a single piece of shredded cheese, he will study it carefully before eating.
2. The sound of velcro will send Big Pupi up a wall.
3. My howls sound like a deep-voiced man yelling "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
4. Pupi's howls sound like 2-day old puppy giving it his all.
5. Speaking of puppies, Big Pupi doesn't always enjoy being in the company of crazy wee ones.
6. I got too excited playing in the hall with dad the other day and I accidentally killed my neighbor's newspaper. I killed it dead. Seriously.
7. When I have a pooble accident I pick it up and put it on the sofa. (This is material for a post right here.)
8. Big Pupi is totally attached at the hip to mom.
9. I'm glued to my meat-eating dad.
10. I believe roadkill is like a fine wine... the older, the riper, the better.

Alright, so now I must pass it on. I give this award to:

1. Fenway. His approach is similar to mine - including stories about making messes on his "hinders." Gotta love that honesty.
2. Biggie Z. There's nothing like a good rant about dog park days with improperly socialized owners. Plus this dude eats raw meat!
3. Mack, Paris and Lilly. Because well... Paris is there. And that's just brilliant.
4. Tadpole. This dude lets it all hang out there. When he's not wearing shirts, that is. Now that's a guy with nothing to hide.
5. Beckett. Because we're all thinking about his mom right now and hoping she gets well soon.
6. Coco. Because when you're that tiny you really can't hide much of anything.
7. Bae Bae. You're a hammy chillin' with the big dogs. That's brilliant!

'Tis all, folks!

Issues

The cheese money machine is visiting some genius person at a fruit stand or something tomorrow. While mom spends her time hyperventilating (when she should be preparing my feasts), please send some happy programming vibes to her Adobe Creative Suite. Judging by her yells and yips, Photoshop has been a naughty naughty boy.

Finally! Another naughty boy in this house to take the pressure off me! To make me look like a Good Boy! I'm liking this Photoshop beast...