Thursday, June 26, 2008

Raw Food Diet, Day 150- Deep Thoughts by Stanislaw #5

I want a napkin on my crate, just like the one my humans have on theirs.  It's a nice little ruffly part of their bed that extends to the floor and has just so many wonderful uses - none of which my humans use it for.  In fact, they don't use it at all!  I don't understand how people can be so wasteful of the things that they have.  

First of all, it makes an excellent hiding place.  Sure, I can only fit my head and shoulders under there, but I'm almost positive that no one can see me as long as I can't see them.  So all you really need is to squeeze your nose and eyes under.  

Secondly, that place is jam-packed with lost treasures, like socks that have gone solo and the most amazing dust bunnies I've ever hunted.  Humans should really spend some quality time crawling around under their crate and explore the exciting world of UnderTheBedLand.

Finally, and perhaps my most favorite and frequent use for this ruffly thingy takes advantage of its wonderful absorbent qualities.  It's a long, upright napkin and it's just my height for wiping my post-feast face on.  I eat like a total beast, and more often then I'd like to admit I wind up with some feast leavings on my manly beard and body that my tongue, as dextrous as it may be, is just not able to reach.  Far be it from me ever go out looking less than my handsome self, and so I must go that extra mile to keep myself as polished as possible.  It just so happens that this extra mile is from the laps I make around the humans' crate, wiping myself nose-to-tail along this incredibly long napkin.  Works like a charm.
So now I'm left to wonder why those silly people don't do the same.  I mean, it's their napkin, right?  Perhaps they set it up at the wrong height?  My dad could probably use his crate napkin about a mile higher than I'd need mine.  It's an excellent way to prevent baths, and if my humans would only get a clue it could save them from their daily scrub downs.  And when the people are having a bad day and they become Grumpalumpakises, why don't they just hide under there?  I'd be willing to bet some cheese that in no time they'll be distracted from their woes by all that this magical UnderTheBedLand has to offer. 

And yet, it goes untouched and unused by my people.  How can this be?


Anonymous said...


I love the underbed napkin too!

I take my chewy sticks under the napkin and chew safely where Louis can't fit his big head underneath to steal my meat sticks!

Its my own personal hideout, complete with lost toys, stuff to eat and NO LOUIS intrusions.

Ahhh, the glory of my underbed hideout.

Ella Bean

Agatha and Archie said...

Of course you must know of my bomb shelter,under the bed behind the giant napkin....every toy we own... right there... mine all mine..... not Archies MINE!!! Love Agatha

Agatha and Archie said...

Of course you must know of my bomb shelter,under the bed behind the giant napkin....every toy we own... right there... mine all mine..... not Archies MINE!!! Love Agatha

Beckett said...

Those napkins are awfully tasty too. Just sayin'.


FleasGang said...

Scarlett uses the napkin in the guest room because it's even closer to the ground and makes it nearly impossible for anyone to find her. As far as Shelly, she prefers to wipe her face on the wall - not sure what that's about. Simon used to hide things like empty evaporated milk cans, plastic bags full of rising dough and chewies under the bed. Now we don't have one of those long napkins so he had to find a new hiding place. I haven't found it yet.

The Fleas

Petra said...

Yep, that's where I run when I want some privacy, too. It's really funny to see my mom crawl under the napkin to try to catch me to steal whatever it is I'm eating! I'm too quick for her, though. She has to lure me out of my hiding place with a treat.

Charlie Daniels said...

I think anything I car rip apart is good!



Molly the Airedale said...

We don't fit under mom and dad's bed but we know for a fact that stuff is hidden under there! You're one deep thinker, Stan!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch