Unbeknownst to my super boring, rule-enforcing Mom, my super awesome, totally tubular, full of coolness Dad has been letting me on the human crate while he watches the No Smell Flashy Box Thing, and cheers for stuff called "Celtics" and "Red Sox." It's boy bonding time, and Mom is not invited. My brother is also not invited, mostly because he's a complete mama's boy and would rather watch chick shows and snuggle with Mom. What a loser! Meanwhile, I'm livin' large on the human crate, rubbing my smell all over the place and chillin' with Pa.It's testosterone central when I'm watching the game with my Dad. We yell, I fart and we both talk about meat. Never mind the fact that I'm lying on a purply-blue duvet cover and certain elements of my manhood have gone missing. It's a dude-only club!
When I heard that Mom was getting suspicious, I had no idea what was giving our Boys' Club evenings away. Could she smell my unbathed manliness on her bed? What there evidence from something she calls Shedding? Was my snitch of a brother telling on me?! Figuring it was the latter, I tried to take Big Pupi's SingingChristmasTreeMouseToy away to teach him a lesson, but all I got was a thrashing from Pupi for taking his untouchable toy. Dang.
It's no secret that Dad is my favorite. He tells me that I was in his belly once, and that's why we both have so much in common. We're lean boys, with long long legs and we can stand really tall. He calls us the Tall Team, and my stinky brother and Mom are the Small Team. Ha! Dad loves fast hunts and so do I. Dad also likes to eat a meaty dinner and that's my favorite! Mom eats super yuckiness called Tofu. She's such a dork!
My point is that Dad is just the awesome-est human that ever lived. I wait by the front door when it's time for him to come home from Work, and it's his socks only that I steal from the Hamper. Dad is a rule-breaking kind of guy just like me, and I hope... I HOPE that some day I can grow up to be just like him.