Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Raw Food Diet, Day 259- The Thing in the Grass

Yesterday my whole life flashed before my eyes.  It was horrifying.  Terrible.  My body froze in fear.  I may never recover from this.

I was out in the park, snurfeling around in the grass getting ready to do my Good Boy business, when this horrid thing attached itself to my nose.  It came out of nowhere, and suddenly my face was assaulted by this wretched beast.  With every breath its soft tentacles would reach further and further into my nose and it flooded my nostrils with its strange scent.  In a dramatic showing I thrashed about and used my front paws to dislodge the nasty critter, but it was useless.  It had a gorilla glue grip on me.

When I realized its power over me I froze with one paw in the air.  I would not move as any motion pressed this thing ever tighter into my face.  My humans could not make me walk and I would not blink my eyelids lest I draw attention to that delicate feature.  In mere moments it had rendered me helpless and mute, too afraid to think.  This was my end, I was sure of it.  I would starve out here in the wilderness with this thing sucking the life out of me through my schnozzle as I stood like a statue silently begging for help.  And my humans laughed at me.  All they could do was laugh.  Their son was in grave danger and they threw their arms into the air mingling guffaws and mocking me.  

After witnessing my wretched condition and allowing it to continue for far too long my humans peeled the creature from my frozen face and urged my stone-like body to move over the grass.  I would not sniff.  There would be no business done this time.  That monster was still hiding out there somewhere and I wasn't about to risk life and limb again.  I would not play with my friend when she came out for her walk.  I warned her though.  Warned her about this terrible creature the humans call Feather.  "Feather sticks to your face and reaches into your nose," I said in a menacing voice.  "Beware of Feather.  Feather hunts for wet canine schnozzles."

I need to speak to my therapist about this one.

Beware of the thing in the grass,



PS- The Very Tiny Competition ends tomorrow at 5pm, so if you haven't sent in your entry yet make sure to have it in before the deadline!  We've got loads of totally awesome photos so far and we're super pumped to choose a winner.  Email your photos to rawfeasting@gmail.com.  Good luck!


Coco said...

Aww, Stan you must have been so scared! that exact same thing happened to me when my mommy first brought me home and i was hiding under the the parrot's cage. IT WAS SO SCARRY! Just stay away from fluffy things like that and you will be fine

BenTheRotti said...

OMD!! So these feather creatures hide in grass?? *gulp* I may never go near grass again!

How could your parents laugh??!! and why is my Mum rolling around the floor laughing right now after reading of your horrible experience????

What is wrong with the two leggeds.. do they not care.. why is such a terrifying incident so funny to them?

I must remember to laugh when a 40stone burly burglar breaks into the house brandishing a weapon and demanding all their valuables.. see if they appreciate my sense of humor!

I do hope you have recovered from the trauma!!

Ben xxxx

PeeeS Mum tried and tried to get a photo of me looking small.. but lets face it.. it was never gonna happen! hehehe

FleasGang said...

Stan, I don't want to alarm you even further. But . . . feathers sometimes hide out in pillows and those super comfy human crate blankets called comforters. GULP!

Stay safe,

Niamh said...


I am sorry that you were scared and that your people laughed at you but you are a BIRD DOG! You are supposed to like feathers!

Your friend,

Joe Stains said...

omdog, I hear these things come from the evil regime of butt pecking creatures that fly in my yard. Clearly they are weaponized. DANGIT.

River said...

That was a fright! HOw could you know it would not harm you? Best to hold still just as you did to minimize the damage and maybe it will go away.

love & wags,

Charlie Daniels said...

You had me really worried there for a while! Oh! I can only image how bad it must have been ;-)



Anonymous said...

OMD! That is so scary! Now I'll have to watch for Feather in the grass as well as squirrels in the trees. I don't want that Feather beast in my nose!

I love the PSH!!! Can I use it too?


Coco said...

What are titers? and how is Big Pupi's paw?

Maggie and Mitch said...

You're afraid of a feather,Stan? I love feathers! I love to chew them and munch on them and I'll stand and bark at them for a long while until they float over to me!
I'm so sorry you are afraid of them because they're really quite neat!

Yer friend,

tadpole said...

ohmyDOG! We have those Feather things over here! But I stay far, far away from them. I KNEW I was smart!!!

I'm so thankful you survived, albeit traumatized.

The Animal Doctor said...

stan, i am too distracted looking at your nose to make a comment but, i agree you need to discuss this terrible encounter with your therapist.


the Secretary

Hero said...

You're so silly, Stan! I love feathers, because they stink of birds. Maybe next time you should grab one in your beastly jaws before it has a chance to crawl up your nose. I hope your next experience with a feather isn't so terrifying. They really are great, especially for us sporting dogs.

Lorenza said...

Hi, Stanislaw!
I am so sorry you had to suffer that bad experience with the feather!
the same happened to me one day and now I stay away from them!
Take care
Kisses and hugs

Biggie-Z said...

Ohhh! We have lots of Feathers around here but they are a rare delight, since most of the time they are attached to these great toys called Birds! Birds come in 2 sizes: Pigeon and Sparrow. Pigeon Feathers are the best, they are big enough to put in your mouth and run around and be chased with. Also, if you put a Feather in your mouth and pretend to eat it, your humans will chase you and make a big scene. It's pretty funny. Then you'll have the last laugh!


Amber-Mae said...

Oh, what a terrible experience you had! That Feather is a dangerous thing. I will stay away from those.

Butt wiggles,
Solid Gold Dancer

Scottie the 'cutie' said...

I don't think I've ever come across them feathers here at home...now I know to stay away from them! Hope you're not too traumatized from it! The tiny competition sounds fun, but I (or rather Mom!) can't seem to snap a photo of me being small...*pouts* Oh well, we'll be here to congratulate the winners! *wink*


Girl Girl Hamster said...

Oh dear.. that must be very very scary for you Stanislaw... I'm so sorry they laughed at you

~ Girl girl

Mack said...

Feathers are great to chew on!

Nothing better than munching on a big old cockatoo feather!

duo_disaster said...

... We just cant stop laughing.
There should be a peep!

It would be so priceless!

Rudolf & Goofy

Anonymous said...

Oh my. Thank goodness it turned out ok. You had me worried!

Great blog!

cookie said...

OMD, Can't believe your humans laughed at such a critical time.
Next time call us, we have discovered a way to punish the feathers for the horror they inflict. But don't tell your mom...moms don't like it. They like feathers in the pillows...