Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Raw Food Diet, Day 107- Deep Thoughts by Stanislaw #3

Every so often our humans put on their loud clacky heals and don't-get-fur-on-me pants and leave Big Pupi and me home alone.  They will usually come back later in the evening smelling of deliciousness from a place that I have never been and from feasts that I have never had.  I usually let them get away with just a mild harassment when they return, but on this particular occasion the smells coming from their don't-get-fur-on-me pants were not too unlike my feast for that evening.  

Before my humans had left that night, I had been given some raw whiting fish to feast on for dinner, with a little leftover brown rice (yes, grains again) and some green veggie mush.  
I stared up at my humans and wondered why on earth I could sniff the same ingredients wafting from their clothing.  And most importantly, why they would LEAVE Big Pupi and me and go to a place that was serving the SAME THING I know we have in our meat locker at home!  I mean, it's bad enough that they will let me out of their sight even for a second and leave me home with my bully of a brother.  And it's worse to know that they will leave us home while they go out to FEAST, but now they're eating stuff that they can just have here in the company of their two fabulous dogs??  Big Pupi and I were not at all pleased with the situation.
Usually they come home stinking of deliciousness that I have never smelled before.  They say that mom isn't a good cook and can't make those foods, but I think that's just an excuse so they can go to these mysterious places of food smells and tastiness.  Why they've never taken me is a mystery, but I've let them get away with it up until now.  But when feasts can be shared and found at home - this is where I draw the line.

Sure, I've heard you say that when my manners and the weather improve I can sit outside with you at cafes and do my Sit Like Good Boy while you eat.  You tell me that I need to be-"have" but I assure you that I have plenty of this so-called "have" but only if there are treats involved.  And you can't possibly expect me to do Sit Like Good Boy while you're feasting on deliciousness and not sharing it with me!  Are you insane?!

You humans are a crazy bunch and some of the things that you do are just cruel.  But next time you're out feasting on the same foods that I eat, I must insist that you take me along.  A learning boy must see these magical feasting locations and sample some of their wares.  And I'm pretty sure I would find the raw fish, rice and veggies that you people eat in secret just as delicious as the stuff that I found in my bowl and spread all over the kitchen floor.

If anyone can explain to me why humans do this please let me know, as I need to come up with an air-tight argument as to why I must attend the next mystery feasting.



Mack said...

Why do humans have to be like that? After all we do for them. Geesh.
Oh ,btw, Paris says "Kisses".
Oh brother.........


Ellen & Beckett said...

Good questions, Stan!

I have a mystery of my own. Sometimes when I hear a knock at the door, my mom opens it and there is a human there who has brought us pizza. This makes me go like this:

But sometimes there's a knock at the door and there is no pizza! Futhermore, my mom says she's embarrassed that I do my pizza dance for any knock at the door. So, why isn't there always pizza when there's a knock at the door, and why on earth would she not want there to be?


Niamh said...

That our people leave us at home when they go to food feasting places is cruelty to animals!! We should protest. If we are lucky they may bring home a "doggy bag" of leftovers.

I understand that in Europe (I don't know where that is) dogs can sometimes go into food feasting places with their people. I don't know why we can't do that here in the US.

Your friend,

Hero said...

You're so funny, Stan! I know that my hoomans go out and feast on occassion, but I don't mind so much as I don't really care for eating anyway. You and I are so different, but I love reading your side. And about tearing Niko apart - I hunt, but I don't kill. Mom thinks that I spare all my stuffies from death by gutting, because of my "soft mouth." Anyway, it's not nice to tear up a friend, right?

your pal,

tadpole said...

Whoa - you have mysterious peoples! My girl doesn't ever leave me to go anywhere except for work (I have her trained well) but sometimes when she comes BACK from work brings bags of mystery food INTO THE HOUSE with her. And am I allowed to test them out (just to make sure it's safe, you know...)? Heavens no! I am also told to be "have" whatever that means. They're a strange breed, these humans.

Girl Girl Hamster said...

Hello Stanislaw, you and Big Pupi are cute. I hope your hoomans will share some of their yummy feast with you the next time

~ Girl girl

Fenway said...

Hey guys...

My humans are fairly pathetic when it comes to leaving me alone. When I was only a couple of months old, they actually hired a teenager to come over a "watch" me. She brought a friend and I suckered them into non-stop play and adoration for around 3 hours.

Now that I'm almost eight months old, they still don't leave me very often. Last week they celebrated something called an anniversary. I've heard that it should be connected with expensive feasting in a location other than my 3 floor den. Well, these two morons actually brought in food and champagne so they could "celebrate" with me, only they didn't share any of it.

These idiots are suffering from separation anxiety.