Friday, May 2, 2008

Raw Food Diet, Day 95- Dead Birds Make Great Pets

Whenever I am outside walking in the city, I always keep my eyes open for dead birds.  These guys make awesome pets.  Yesterday I was walking with my mom and I happened to find one.  While she wasn't looking, I snatched him up and planned to take him home.  It turned out, however, that my mom wasn't so fond of my new friend and made me spit him out.  That stinks because I promised my mom I would take care of him, feed him, and not eat him if I could take him home.  I guess my mom doesn't think I am responsible enough to have a pet.  My dad told me that when I grow up I can get my own squirrel farm though (like an ant farm, but for squirrels), so I have that going for me.


Big Pupi had birds once!
I don't understand why Stanislaw and I are not allowed to have pets!  It's really not fair.  Before Stanislaw came around I used to live with 2 annoying, mocking parrots in my humans' home!  They had little mohawks and ridiculously orange cheeks and yellow heads - how could anyone take them seriously?!  And to top it off, they'd flip upside down in their cage and beat their wings whenever I came near, just to get me all riled up.  I'd try to jump on their cage and eat them, but they were so high I just couldn't do it.  They whistled the most ear-piercing renditions of Low Rider and the fox call, and they'd spit in my face like the evil little chirpers that they were.  

I just don't see why my humans can have something so terrible and call it a "pet," when Stanislaw and I aren't allowed one of our own.  And since it's dead it'll be very quiet and it won't make a mess.  No poopies and no spitting and no whistling.  We won't even need to make room for a cage!  Stan and i will just take turns carrying our pet around in our mouths.  I think it's a brilliant idea, and it will teach us young lads some responsibility.  

Please?  Please?


The Aphasia Decoder.... said...

Cooper used to roll in dead birds and then pick them up and toss them in the air to see if they'd fly again. We humans sure can be mean about not letting our four-legged kids try to resuscitate the birds that fall out of the sky.

Niamh said...

I think a bird would be a great pet. We sporting dogs were made to carry birds around in our mouths.

Your friend,

Hero said...

I've been asking my mom about getting a pet bird too! I figure it's practical keeping one at home for me to chase instead of having to go out on an ardous sniffing quest in search of one outside.