Monday, May 19, 2008

Raw Food Diet, Day 112- Who is Race?

My brother and I have brought you all here to express our deep concern regarding a sudden change of our life patterns.  We used to be taken on nice long runs with our humans, and those runs have suddenly decreased severely in number.  I realize that my humans have been relying on the dog park more and more to make us run and get our exercise.  You see, my people are training for something called "Race."  I suppose that Race is a scary thing because they go out for very long runs that they say are too much for our little legs to handle.  But I want to know why we are not preparing for Race because Big Pupi and I should also be in shape for this monster-thing in case it comes around.  I have even overheard my people say that Race is indeed coming next Saturday, and now my brother and I are behind in our training!  But on the upside, and for reasons that I just can not comprehend, my humans are only going for short runs this week which means that we will get to sprint our little hearts out for the mile to the dog park and the mile back.  

This is a sub-par situation for me.  My brother and I are accustomed to running about 4 miles every day (I told you that we are super athletes) and at the half-way point we would get to play and splash in the big cold lake.  There is no lake at the dog park, and I certainly do NOT appreciate being sprayed with that spitting rope toy-looking thing you call Hose.  It is not a supplement for my lake (it's MY lake - I weebled in it), and while I do enjoy being all wet and stinky and dirty, Hose is not my favorite guy to be around.

This is also a sub-par situation for you humans.  How are you able to run without my beastliness leading the way?  I am shocked that at this point you haven't gotten yourselves lost.  I am convinced that you have let every squirrel-chasing and rabbit-hunting opportunity pass you by because I was not there to point them out and Big Pupi wasn't present to do his insanely high-pitched squirrel howl.  And I'm sure that you haven't been giving these runs your all because my brother and I aren't there to push you and make you run faster and farther.

So, even though at the end of the day Big Pupi and I are tired, exercised pups, I felt that I needed to express my concern about our sudden lack of crazy-boy, on-leash running.  I demand that we remedy this situation ASAP and that we hold a family discussion about how we will tackle this awful thing called Race that you humans have become so worried about.

Have your people call my people.

Big Pupi agrees...
I second everything that Stanislaw has to say, and I want you to know that I am saving up my cheese to purchase this book which will enable us to draw up appropriate on-leash running terms in a matter that is both legally binding and beneficial to humans and dogs alike.  

Humans prepare yourselves.  You may want to seek legal counsel.
Big Pupi


Fenway said...

The irrefutable selfishness of the humans has me barking mad.

I'd watch those two very, very carefully. They are trying to distance themselves from you two and concoct crazy categories like Human Pastimes and Dog Events. I predict they will soon get separation anxiety and come crawling back to offer affection and ply you with food.

Advice to Stan & Big Pupi: Make them suffer. Make them flog themselves with the guilt of LETTING YOU DOWN. Now is the time to perfect your sulking.

Practice on one another to get The Face just right.
Learn to sigh and stare away.

Hero said...

I understand what you're going through, Stan. Ever since my snip snip my mom and dad won't let me go out for a good run anymore either!!! When it comes to exercise, I'm just like you and Big Pupi. I run at least 5 miles a day, but that's just based on my mom's silly box she keeps strapped to her hip whenever we go out. She should strap it to me sometime and see how much more I run than her!!

You and I need to organize some sort of revolt. This is just completely uncalled for. A dog's desire should always come first!


Ella Bean said...

Handsome Stan,

I can not believe the sheer disregard your humans have for your needs! Those selfish humans! I have not heard of Race, but now I know me and Louis need to prepare in case he comes here!

I say you and Big Pupi need to get some serious, serious legal aid or some big dogs to assist you in communicating your message clearly. Or report them for canine abuse.

I hope things get better soon. I'll be thinking of you!


Ella Bean

Niamh said...


Not having your proper and well deserved runs is certainly cruelty to animals! I am sure that you can take your people to court over it.

As for Tellington Touch it is a wonderful relaxing type of touch that your people can do to you. It is very good for helping me connect, relax and lessen any anxiety. If your are screaming because you are over-excited or anxious or just spacing out it may help you. You can check it out at There are people who can teach it to your people or they can learn about it from books and videos. I wrote about it on my blog on March 8, 2008.

Your friend,
Niamh (glad your mom likes my name)

Mack said...

Hi StaniPoo Lovelove!!
Paris Rain here!

Why don't you come to my place? I have to run by myself too. I prolly run a good 4 miles chasing evil squirrels everyday!

You look so sad in that picture!
I'll make everything better!