Friday, May 30, 2008

Raw Food Diet, Day 123- Making a Birthday List

Shout, cry, pout, lie... I know those things keep Santa Claus away (although my shouting didn't stop him from visiting me in April), but do they keep the Birthday Claus away?  Is there a Birthday Claus?  There should be, because I have begun to put together a list of birthday stuffies and treats that I would like to receive as an homage to myself.  This is just a cursory list, as my big day isn't until July 26 (dad made up my birthday, and I share it with another famous Stanislaw).  I've never had humans or friends before who were willing to dedicate a day just to me and tend to my feasting and gift-wanting.  I will be an estimated 2 years old and the big day is a Saturday.  That, my friends, is worthy of some animal-like partying.  

Dear humans, below please find a picture list of the many fun toys I would like to receive on the best day of the year.  Start stocking up now, as I will continue to add to my desired bounty as the next few weeks go on...

First up, a feasting possibility that is very near and dear to my heart, I would like a Roadkill Toy:
Big Pupi told me a story once... While on his way home from a run with mom, he found what looked like roadkill jerky that had baked to a fine crisp in the Texas sun, and was lying next to a curb.  Mom didn't notice it was there because it was wafer-thin, but when the cars stopped for pedestrians on the crosswalk she began to suspect something.  The drivers began pointing and laughing, and she looked down to find Pupi holding his head and tail high, prancing and dragging that flat feast across the road.  The best part is that your humans won't take it away from you!  It's too "gross" for them to touch!  Pupi eventually dropped the chewy feast but now I want some roadkill of my own.

I call this next set of toys "weebles and poobles," but they're actually called Pee and Poo:
Let's be honest - we're dogs and we eat things we shouldn't.  I'm thinking that if I have a toy version maybe I won't be so tempted when I'm outside?

From the I Heart Guts collection, I would like to have the following:
I play gently like a wrecking ball, and I'm always bonking my head on things.  Mom says that I could probably use a few extra brain cells so maybe she'll get me this!
I want this one for all my friends out there like Tadpole who have to keep away from the raw meaty feasts because they have an angry pancreas.  I'd like to thrash the grumpiness out of that pancreas and then feast on ice cream and cheese with them.

The next group, from the Giant Microbes shop, please place an order for:
Giardia.  I have no idea what it is but you said it makes my tummy sad and it made feasting not so much fun.  It also made me go to the vet many times and present them with gifts for testing, because I was a sickly boy when I first moved in with my humans.  I would like to shred the poop out of giardia.

Next microbe on the list is the bad breath germ.  Some people say that the raw diet gives you sweet breath, but my humans ensure that it's not entirely too enjoyable when I pant open-mouthed 2 centimeters from their face.  This has to change so I would like to eat him and see him out the other side.
My generosity is boundless, and while I often try to steal Big Pupi's food, I would like to get a toy just for him.  It's a heartworm, and since he was put in time-out for 6 weeks for having these yuckies inside of him, I think it's his turn to have the last thrash.

To round out my first list for my birthday extravaganza, I would like to add:
- a large bag of garbage;
- a human sleeping crate;
- a pet cow, preferably this one.

Thank you and I will get back to you with some additions to this list.
Man, it's great to be spoiled!



Fenway said...

Good idea to be clear about your expectations. I have zero chance of getting any of these wonderful toys because of my insatiable need to shred them. The cow, however, looks like he could stand up for himself. I will try and herd one in your direction.

Check out my blog today and see the extravagant latest offering from Ms. Alpha. She is too, too kind.

I haven't actually been inside yet...something about a seat cover, my muddy paws and the chance I would drop a big brown.

Penny, Poppy & Patches said...

Boy, all those raw meatables look yummilisious! We hope you don't really get any of those presents you are asking for...unless they are of the stuffie variety so you can chew them up really well!

Poppy, Penny & Patches

Mack said...

Just think about all the great feasting to be had on that big ole cow!!

Those are very interesting toys. Do you like to kill your stuffies? Most last about 2 seconds in our house.

PeeS: Paris says hi and she hopes you will still love her after she comes back from the groomers tomorrow!

Maggie & Mitch said...

You have excellent taste in toys! We hope you get them ALL! You're totally worth it!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Charlie Daniels said...

Vote One - the roadkill! :-)

Amber-Mae said...

Woah, that roadkill plush toy sure is gruesome looking! I think Faith will go for the intestines first. BOL! Hope you get what you want on your real birthday.

Butt shakes,
Solid Gold Dancer

Niamh said...


That is very smart of you to start your list early. It will give your people plenty of time to buy all those great toys. I am sure that you will do some major shredding when you get them.

Your friend,