Friday, April 18, 2008

Raw Food Diet, Day 81- Petroleum Distillate Is Not Good For Feasting

Last night while my mommy was grooming my brother, I decided to help myself to her delicious smelling bottle of clipper oil. I snuck away and curled up with it on the sofa. After chewing the cap to bits the bottle overflowed with some tasty greasy stuff and I lapped it up while it poured all over the couch cushions. It's too bad I can't read, because the bottle says this:My humans snatched that bottle out of my oily, slimy jowls and called my doctor. He said to keep an eye on me and watch for vomiting and lethargy. My mom stayed up with me all night which meant that I didn't get much sleep, but I did get lots of attention so that was awesome. However, she was kind of annoying when she kept baby-wipe-ing my rear because the oil was leaking out all over me. I finally drifted off to sleep until 4:37am when I felt what I thought was an earthquake in my bum, but it turned out to be an actual earthquake.
This morning I got out of bed stinking like the oil and my poo escaped like greased lightening. I then feasted on a nice chicken leg quarter and kept hearing something about taking another bath. I just had one yesterday. NO!

I guess I've learned that clipper oil is NOT good raw feasting. I'm not sure I learned my lesson but I think in the future I'll stick to snacking on tubes of Chapstick if I'm craving a greasy feast. But I get in big trouble for doing that too...

Big Pupi is a naked boy:
My mom stole my hair! I once resembled a massive and powerful rottweiler, but how am I supposed to look tough and ready to protect my territory now? I am just one skinny raw-meat eating boy.
Actually, I can't lie. I do prefer to be without all that shaggy matty hair, especially in my leg-pits. I used to have this hair cut 10 months of the year when we lived in steamy-hot Texas, and now that it's finally getting toastier in Illinois I can do without all of that fuzzy baggage. Plus, once the weather gets warm I just get too hot on runs, and this haircut keeps me cool and streamline. And as an added bonus, all the ladies can see my tiny (but rippling!) muscles much easier now. Ohh yeah.

Look out chicas,
Big Pupi


Ellen said...

Stan, I hope you've learned your lesson!

Pupi, you look very dashing with your new haircut.

Herbie the Omnivore said...

You guys don't eat veggies? Jesus christ

Candi said...

Hi stan, You are a brave dog i don't think i could eat raw meat i'm sooo used to eating cooked chicken and such.

lots of licks


Stanislaw said...

Hey herbie!
We eat veggies! And fruit and dairy and all sorts of good stuff. Variety is the spice of life.. no? In fact, I enjoyed a little sweet potato with my dinner last night!

I'll eat pretty much anything my humans give me.