Big Pupi's 'Profiles in Feasting' Series:I have a ton of respect for some of the greatest human feasters of all time, such as hot-dog eating champion Joey Chestnut and clutch-hitting champion David Ortiz. Today I'd like to profile another great feaster, Michael Phelps. How do you think he won all those gold medals? Hardcore feasting, of course.
First of all, Phelps wakes up earlier than 4:30 AM to make sure he has enough time in his day to consume 12,000 calories. Plus, early morning is the best time to throw down an enormous feast. Phelps's breakfeast consists of 3 sandwiches, 5 omelets, some grits, 3 pieces of French toast and 3 pancakes. Tasty. Lunch is a little on the light side, featuring 1 pound of pasta and 2 sandwiches. Phelps later eats another pound of pasta and a whole pizza before bed time.
Some people say Phelps is like a fish, but he eats like a whale.
I figure I could eat that much, but my humans never let me. How am I supposed to win a gold medal in the doggie-paddle if I don't start eating like Phelps, you silly humans! Five omelets, please. When it comes to monitoring my feasting my folks are like tough Olympic judges - always giving me less than I deserve. Maybe I could have Phelps reason with them.
Gold medal feasting,