Friday, August 22, 2008

Raw Food Diet, Day 206- Defense Mechanisms

As I wrote in yesterday's post, my humans had the thermostat replaced in our home to one that works automatically.  Well, a strange male human came into my home and my parents kept Big Pupi and me gated in the office to prevent us from showing off our manliness and taking his tools.  It wasn't more than 2 seconds after this man first arrived that Pupi leapt over the gate and grabbed his stuffed chipmunk, pranced about and tried to finagle belly rubs from this guy.  I high-pitch barked my head off until I too was released from quarantine.  I didn't get a stuffed toy because I was planning to grab a wrench or something.  Dad stopped that from happening.  Ugh.  Dad can be no fun sometimes.

By yesterday afternoon, when Pupi and I were snoozeling after a big morning romp and mom was at work on her computer, I began to feel the need to expose the ol' groin again.  Man, was it getting steamy in here or is it just me?  Something in the apartment kept popping really loudly and mom kept heading out to the main room to flip some big black thing.  Then all the lights and everything would work again.  Then another POP!  Then another switch.  Then mom left the apartment and returned with that strange man.

Big Pupi and I were tossed behind a gate in the office once again.  What?!  We could hear the man's phone beep and the sounds of his tasty tools digging into my wall.  Pupi growled, snarled, barked and bounced around acting like a mini monster behind bars.  Mom decided to call his bluff and released him.  Pupi went skidding into the main room and rushed straight towards the man!  He snagged another stuffed toy along the way and did another little prance at the man's feet before hopping onto the sofa to observe the action.  Hmph.  He's so not a guard dog!

I, on the other paw, am a guard dog.  A true-blue beast in black.  I showed my mom my silent but deadly skills by hanging out with her in the office (a small and not particularly well-ventilated room), and releasing my patented Blue Cloud Defense.  I'll show that man and anyone else that enters my property without my permission!  I'LL GET GASSY!
One would think this was a little bit of breakfeast that wasn't agreeing with me, but NO.  That man wasn't agreeing with me and so I let one rip each and every time he entered the apartment.  Need to get a wire?  You better watch yourself when you return!  My ferocious defenses were too much for mom to handle and she had to evacuate the office in a rush.  I am the beastliest!  But because this man was fixing the walled air monster there was no fresh air circulating in the apartment and the stagnant 86 degrees outside made opening the windows a bad choice.  My plan was working!  I'll have this guy out of here in no time!  I kept whipping up batches of air biscuits and sending them out into the wild.  Take that, you tall human!  Hot air rises!

I didn't need to bark or act excitable like Big Pupi to get the job done.  I sat quietly, pretending to admire the stranger's handiwork and did what I had to do.  He worked quickly, effectively, efficiently.  And why?  Oh you know why.  

I'm just taking care of business.

A Four Paws, Inc. product called the "pimple ball with bell" has caused serious injuries to dogs.  Do to a defect that allows the dog to create a vacuum in the ball's cavity, numerous pups have had their tongues caught which causes extreme pain and cuts off blood flow.  As a result, dogs have had tongues amputated and there have even been reports about our fellow canines having to be put down due to the severity of their injuries, which eventually render them unable to eat or drink.  

Chai was devastatingly injured by one of these toys in June.  To read Chai's story and see an image of the toy click here.  If you have one of these balls make your human get rid of it immediately.  And spread the word - this item is carried by major pet stores and is readily available online.  There is yet to be a recall!


Fenway said...

Nice work with those Smart Bpmbs, Stan!

Mack said...

You make even a BT like myself proud. GREAT JOB!

I have only heard your love, Paris, toot once.

Maybe you will be a good influence on her. I sure hope so....


FleasGang said...

Like they say, a good offense is usually the defense. Wouldn't it be funny if the tall human thought it was your MOM that was floating the air biscuits! hehehe.

The Fleas

Scottie the 'cutie' said...

LOLLLL! Sorry...I can't help laughing when I read your story (so does Mom!) I can just imagine the look on the stranger's face when he finds out that it's you...=P Keep up the great job being a guard doggie,Stan!


Ellen (or Beckett) said...


I've got the deadly part down pat, but I'm still working on silent. Once I master that... watch out!


FleasGang said...

Sorry to read about Chai. We went and sent our email boycotting that company.

The Fleas